Blogaholic

Hello, everyone. My name is Jill, and I am a blogaholic. It started out as something fun and creative, an outlet. But it has developed into so much more. I find myself constantly refreshing my Google homepage, where my Google Reader appears, to see if any of the blogs I follow have a new post I can read and comment on. When I see there is nothing, I am disappointed. Very disappointed. As I refreshed my Google homepage for the billionth time tonight, I realized, I need help. Or a life.

P.S. This post is my 100th post!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last Monday afternoon/evening, my friend did not throw me a drinking party.

I did not completely wasted and then go home and get sick.

I did not drink two nights in a row last week.

I have not been sleeping until about 12PM most days because I am having trouble going to sleep so I don't get to sleep until about 2AM.

I am not sitting here, trying to cut off a huge bow on a shirt I bought because I hate the bow but love the shirt.

I have not cut off the bow, and am now not left with a black piece of fabric in the middle of the chest area. I am not trying to undo the sewing that holds it to the shirt now.

I did not (sort of) empty out a bag that has been sitting in my room for years with clothes I want to take to the tailor but never get around to doing.

I did not place some clothes back into the bag, stuff the bag somewhere else, and then make two more bags of clothes out of the rest of the clothes that were in there. I am much more organized than that.

I do not currently have five bags sitting on the floor in my room, in various places. The bags are not filled with clothes in different categories. (Two bags of clothes to give away, one bag of clothes to sell, one bag of clothes to eventually take into the tailor, and one bag of clothes to take into the tailor now.)

I also do not have a bag of clothes sitting the car that I tried to sell but that they did not take. I do not keep forgetting it's in the car and to take it up.

What have you not done this last week?

Letting Go

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
-- Author Unknown

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
-- Sylvia Robinson

A year and a half ago someone walked into my life, someone I was not looking for, nor expecting. Yet, there he was and he became an integral, important part of my life. Now, a year and a half later, he is gone. Not completely out of my life, but nowhere near like it was before. He has moved, over 6,000 miles away, to pursue his dream. I do not fault him or blame him for doing so. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do what he has, and for that, I greatly admire him. However, it has left me trying to deal and cope with his leaving.

In the past two weeks I have had to learn to let go. It has not been easy; some days are harder than others. But I am learning, and with each day, I become more able to deal with and accept the situation. With each day, I am able to let go a little bit more and move on with my life. He will always be a huge part of my life, and, no matter what happens in the future, I hope we will remain friends, but I have to let him go. As the saying goes, "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

I Did Not!

Yup, it's that time again. Another Monday, another Not Me! Click on over to MckMama's blog to check out what she's not been doing, and see what others have not been doing.

Last Thursday night, I did not go out with a friend to a specific restaurant because they serve alcohol there and I was in desperate need of some.

I did not get an Amaretto milkshake while there, and then finish the whole thing even though I was full because I wanted the alcohol.

I did not tell the waitress when ordering the milkshake, "I think I deserve this. My boyfriend just left me today for another country. For a year, at least."

I did not do the same thing last night while out with some friends (though at a different place).

I did not, however, have two drinks, deciding I still deserve it and because the day was a bad one.

I did not also have a "brownie bliss" there (brownie bites and ice cream, served with chocolate sauce) because chocolate and alcohol make me feel better.

I did not get drunk last night.

I am not going to a party today in the afternoon, in my honor, to get drunk (again) because my boyfriend has left the country. I do not get drunk two days in a row.

Ok, let's have it! What have you not done?

Happy Fourth of July!

In honor of Independence Day, I have decided to post some quotes, reminding us what this day is truly about. Happy Fourth of July everyone!

In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Dick Cheney*

All we have of freedom, all we use or know - This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.
~Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Freedom is never given, it is won. ~Anonymous

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. ~John F. Kennedy


*Yes, I seriously did quote Dick Cheney, and no, I cannot believe it myself. On a serious note, it is a good quote, which is why it is in here.

A Good Cry

Last night I had good, long cry. It was something I had been holding in for awhile now, at least a month, probably longer. I was trying to go to sleep, holding a bean-bag pillow that used to belong to my boyfriend. He let me have it when he left, and I've slept with it for the past two nights. As I was holding the pillow in my arms, I started to feel the tears come. I was going to squelch them as I have been doing for the past two months, but decided that I should let them flow. He is gone; he left, and I was finally free to cry. So I did. I just let it all out. All the tears and emotions that I had been feeling and squelching, were finally allowed to flow freely, and it felt good.

Leaving on a Jet Plane II*

Today is the day. At 10:38AM he is leaving for New York, and on July 6th, he leaves for Israel. I try not to think about it, but it seems to be all I can do lately. I am not sure if I can put into words how I am feeling. I am not really sure I want to, yet. Putting it into words, writing it down, will make it final. It will make it real. Yes, in my mind I know it is real, and I know it is happening. But it has not happened yet. He has not boarded the plane, it has not taken off, I have not said goodbye. Therefore, it not completely real.

I have not cried yet, either. Not because I do not care, but because, in my thinking, he is still here, still with me, and I am not going to spend the time I have left with him crying. I refuse to do that. I refuse to fall apart in front of him. I am going to support him, no matter what it costs me, because it is what I need to do. It is what I want to do. When he is on the plane, then I will begin my sob fest. But until then, my eyes will remain (fairly) dry.

* In May, 2009 I made a blog post titled "Leaving on Jet Plane ," which is where I first mentioned my boyfriends' plans to make Aliyah. For that post, see here.

The Little Things

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
-- Laura Ingalls Wilder (1867-1957, Author of "Little House on the Prairie")

It's very easy to forget the little things in this world we have created. The world we live in is full of big things--cars, homes, food (Whopper, Big Mac, etc.), and many other things. But the small things, the moments you wish to remember forever, are the ones I am learning to appreciate the most and savor. The belly laughter of my one and half year cousin when she sees something obviously hilarious (to her only, most times), my boyfriend holding my hand in public or giving me a kiss on my head, or the beautiful sunset on the way to Wisconsin Dells.

Each of these things, and many more, have meant more to me in the past four months than they probably ever have, and for that, I have my boyfriend to thank. On July 6th, he is moving to Israel, but tomorrow, he is leaving for New York. I have no idea when I will see him again, and have therefore been trying to savor and appreciate every moment I have left with him. I would love to be able to remember every moment, but the truth is, I cannot, and I know that. So, until he leaves tomorrow morning, I will just be enjoying, relishing, and appreciating every moment I have left with him.

They Grow Up So Fast

"Time only seems to matter when it's running out"
-Peter Strup

They really do. I spent last week babysitting my seven year old cousin, in the week between when school ends and camp begins. Yes, it was utterly exhausting, and at times (very) frustrating, but I would not trade it for the world.

I spent much time watching TV shows and playing games I would never play myself. She's into Hannah Montana, iCarly, Polly Pocket, and all that other lovely pop culture stuff for kids her age. But as I sat there playing It's In The Money or watching iCarly with her, I realized that I probably do not have very much time left in which to do this with her. She is seven, and getting older each day. In a few years, she probably will not want to hang out with her "older" cousin, or spend time with me. She will want to go off and be with her own friends and do her own thing. It won't be cool to be dragged around by seen with her older cousin, and I cannot blame her.

But it did make me realize that it is the same situation with all of my other cousins, all ten of them. They range in ages from four months to twelve years old, and while I may still have time with the younger ones, truth is, time flies. We all know that. And life gets in the way, theirs and mine. So, I decided that for now, I am just going to cherish the time I do have with them, and if when that day comes where they do not want to hang out with me, I will (hopefully) accept it, and remember that I was once their age and felt the same way they do.

Another Toot Your Horn!

I've only done this once before, and honestly, I did not think I did a very good job. So, I'm going to try it again. I know I have not done it in a few weeks, but I had nothing to toot about, unfortunately. I do now though! Check out Leah's blog for more!

In the past two days I've accomplished more than I have in the past month. I finished filling out and mailing (almost all) COBRA forms, organized my desk, am working on organizing my shoes (provided I can find a decent shoe rack), am applying to and following up on jobs, and helping out a family friend at his office (not getting paid, though). I still have not tackled my filing project yet, but one thing at a time.

On another note, I'm going away this weekend with my boyfriend and another couple who are friends of ours. We were originally going to go to Vegas, but that fell through. I was determined to go somewhere, especially considering my time with my boyfriend is now really coming to a close. All I wanted is to go away with him once before he leaves for three years. Just him and me, spending time together, without worrying about anything else. And I got it! I convinced him, and our friends, to go to the Dells. So, Friday we are all heading up there. Yay!

That's all I have this week. Maybe next week I'll have some better ones from the Dells. In the meantime, happy tooting!

What Are Men Good For?

As my mom and I were getting ready for dinner last night, I saw a huge fly whiz by. (No, I did not scream. Flies don't make me scream, but I still won't touch them.) I told my mom we had a fly, and and the following conversation ensued:

Mom: "Wow, that's really huge."
Me: "Yes, it is. See? This is why we need men."
Mom gives me a you've-got-to-kidding-me look.
Me: "Ok, this is why I need a man."

As I finished getting ready, I started to think of what a man is good for, aside from the obvious. And here's the list I came up with.

1. Killing bugs
2. Taking out the trash
3. Fixing things (maybe)
4. Massages/Foot rubs
5. Unclogging toilets
6. Lifting heavy objects/moving things
7. Carrying groceries
8. Warming women up
9. Entertaining children
10. Sex (You didn't think I would forget that one, did you?)

Truth is, there is not one thing on this list that a woman cannot do. In fact, these days, women can do many things men cannot, but we keep them around anyway. After all, who would kill the bugs?




(Feel free to add your own ideas/thoughts to the list. I know mine is not comprehensive.)

Did Not!

Here we are again. Another Monday, another list of things I did not do. Ok, I lie. I did do them, but if I admitted that, what fun would that be? Besides, if I admitted it, we would no longer have Not Me! Mondays. For more, check out MckMama's blog.

I did not consider getting a new phone, even though I no longer have a job. I am not being wasteful with my money.

I do not keep telling myself that now is the time to buy what I need because at least I have two months of severance pay to hold me over and that I should buy now before I have no income whatsoever.

I therefore did not buy two pair of shoes at Old Navy last week. (They were on sale for $12 each and are very cute!)

I was not being productive last Sunday at home, then broke that streak, went out with my mom, came home, and did nothing. I am much better than that.

I have not applied to about 15-20 jobs in the past two weeks, and have not heard back from any except for some staffing agencies.

I am not immensely enjoying my time off of work.

I did not help my boyfriend move back into his parents place yesterday, after helping him move out six months ago. I am am not very sore today because of that.

I did not go play miniature golf yesterday with my boyfriend and another couple a few hours after moving him.

Thursday night at a meal, I did not blatantly stare at a guy thinking I knew him somehow, then realize who he was, and in the middle of the meal scream out, "Oh! I know you! You're dating A!" Even though they are not dating.

Now it's your turn to 'fess up. What have you not done this week?