"What's the Matter?"

Lately, I feel like that is all I hear from my mother. If I am doing something and my mom does not know what it is, she does not ask me what I am doing, she will ask me "what's the matter?" If I say "shoot" or something of the sort, I get, "what's the matter?" If I am sitting in bed, on my computer, and she comes over and looks at my screen (another story), I hear, yes, you guessed it, "what's the matter?"

Now, do not get me wrong; I love my mother, a lot. But this is driving me up the wall. And before you ask, no, I have not talked to her about it. Yet. She has a lot on her plate at the moment, with my brother moving this weekend, and I do want to add to her stress or her plate. So I am waiting for moving weekend to be over and then I am going to talk to her. Until then, if I were you, I would avoid asking "what's the matter?" around me.

On Being An Adult

Another belief of mine; that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.

~Margaret Atwood

You turn eighteen, graduate high school, and go away to college. You consider yourself an adult, an independent adult. But being an adult is more than just being a certain age, having a degree, and not living with your parents. It is about responsibility, for your decisions, actions, and life. And being an independent adult does not mean mooching off your parents for everything, and having them fund you. If you need help every so often, that's one thing. But to constantly have Mommy pay for everything and give you a substantial amount of money each month, is, in my opinion, not independent.

Yes, certain circumstances and situations can warrant it, and I can understand it, but I am not referring to those instances. I'm referring to people who want to live on their own, be an adult, make their own decisions, and not have their parents interfere. Yet, these people call their parents multiple times a day to constantly update them, still calls Mommy when they have $5.00 left in their bank account (even after the generous check Mommy gave them at the beginning of the month), and comes home every two weeks, has Mommy go grocery shopping for them, and lets her pay for it as well. In all, Mommy spends about $500 a month on these children (and I think I'm being generous there). They do not pay their own bills, have their own cell phone plan, or in this case, do their own shopping.* And yet, these people call themselves adults, independent adults.

In the meantime, I get made fun of for being 23 years old and still living at home. However, I pay all my own bills, do all my own shopping, have my own cell phone plan, and even pay rent to my mother. I even have my own health insurance. And none of it is funded by my mother. None. So, now who is the independent adult?


*The second paragraph is really a rant about my brother, who does all those things, but makes fun of me for still living at home. Considering all of the above, it pisses me off.

The Wheels of Life

I was searching Google for another picture when I came across this. I thought it was cute, and true, so I'm sharing it. Enjoy!

Praying for Stellan

For the past few months I have been following MckMama's blog about her life and her children (she's the creator of Not Me! Mondays), especially Stellan. He is eight months old, and has a very serious heart condition. Currently, he is in the hospital, and it looks like he is headed for heart surgery. I have added his button to the side of my blog. If everyone can please keep him in your prayers, it would be greatly appreciated.

For more on Stellan, visit MckMama's blog here. And whatever you do, keep praying.

Toot Your Horn Tuesday: Clearing the Clutter

For other Toot Your Horn Tuesday gossip, visit Leah's blog, My Little Sparrow. If you would like to participate (it's fun, especially after all the Not Me! Mondays where we feel inadequate), click here to view the rules (and the first edition!).

This Toot Your Horn Tuesday is going to be dedicated to the decluttering of my life. Yes, that's right. My life. I am in the process of trying to simplify my life, reorganize it, and make it a little more sensible. For someone like me, that involves quite a bit of sorting, organizing, tossing out/getting rid of, and more organizing. It's something I've wanted to do for quite some time, but never got around to it. Now that I don't have a job, I have the time.

On my list:
1. The files in and on my desk.
2. My desk.
3. The bin in my closet.
4. My closet. (See where this is going?)
5. My shoes. (Yes, I do have that many.)
6. Selling books.
7. Selling beanie babies. (I do still have them.)

I think that's all that is on my list. At least, I really hope so. I'm sure I'll find more items to add as I go along and try to clear up and declutter my room and my life. However, so far I have gotten my files organized (for the most part). I still have a bit to do there, but not much. My actual desk is about as organized as it's going get. Actually, it's an ongoing process as my desk tends to be the place where I dump everything. Don't know what to do with it, desk. Needs to be put away at some point, desk. Purse, desk. Receipts, desk. Miscellanious papers, pens, chapstick, etc., desk. You get the picture. Strangely enough though, I know exactly where everything is.

As for the rest of my list, I'm currently working on selling the beanie babies and the books, trying to find out what they're worth and what I can actually sell them for. (Anyone here interested? The books are Calvin and Hobbes collections, and the beanie babies are assorted. Ask if interested.) The bin, closet, and shoes are on the waiting list. In the meantime though, I'm actually getting things done and it feels great. Yay me!

Adventures in Babysitting

While I was babysitting the other night, I came up with a great blog post. I decided to post all the funny, silly, crazy, and sometimes stupid things that happen in the years I have been babysitting. While there is no way I will remember everything, I will add what I do remember (and keep updating it as I remember or as it happens). Below are some of my adventures.

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While I was babysitting last night, my two charges (my cousins, Jordan and Julia, ages 7 and 3 respectively) and I played Go Fish, twice. Here is what happened the second time we played.

Me: Julia, do you have a six?
Julia: Dammit.
Me: Excuse me, what did you say?
Julia looks at me innocently.
Her older brother, Jordan, leans over and says in her ear, "Say no."
Me: Jordan, don't tell her that. Julia, what did you say?
Julia still does not answer.
Me: Julia, I don't want to hear you say that again. Ever. It's not something we say.
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In other babysitting adventures, I was once watching my one and a half year old cousin, Ashley, when the little schmagegge absconded with my cup of orange juice. My cup of juice was in the den, on the side table (in the corner, enclosed by two couches). I left the room for not even a minute, and left Ashley on one of the couches, watching TV (probably her beloved iCarly). When I returned, she was not in there. I walked around the kitchen and dining room calling her name, looking and listening for her. I found nothing. I went back into the dining room, looked toward the living room and I saw her. I approached her, and to my delight chagrin, found her sitting on the floor with my cup of orange juice in her hands, and much of it down the front of her shirt and on the rug. She looked up at me, held up the cup, and grinned widely at me, so proud of herself. (Apparently, she crawled over on the couch to the table and grabbed my cup. How she got it all the way to living room without spilling it I have no idea.) Of course, I had to laugh. And then vowed never to leave anything except kid toys within her reach again.
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I was not babysitting in this next story, but I was at my cousins house, helping them clean before Pesach. Their oldest, Zoe, who is seven, was still up, and was in the kitchen talking to my boyfriend (who came to help) and me. In the course of the conversation, she stated that she has a boyfriend and told us his name. Here is the rest of it:

Me: So, how did you meet?
Zoe: School.
Me: And how's it going between you two?
Zoe: Well, he thinks we broke up, but we didn't, and I'm not going to tell him we didn't.

My boyfriend and I burst out laughing, and I thought "Oh, boy, is she going to be trouble when she's older."
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Those are my stories for now. Like I said, I'll update as I remember or when anything new happens. In the meantime, feel free to share your stories! They don't have to be about babysitting; they can be about your kids, grandkids, nieces and/or nephews, etc., but share! I'd love to hear!

Blogaholic

Hello, everyone. My name is Jill, and I am a blogaholic. It started out as something fun and creative, an outlet. But it has developed into so much more. I find myself constantly refreshing my Google homepage, where my Google Reader appears, to see if any of the blogs I follow have a new post I can read and comment on. When I see there is nothing, I am disappointed. Very disappointed. As I refreshed my Google homepage for the billionth time tonight, I realized, I need help. Or a life.

P.S. This post is my 100th post!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Last Monday afternoon/evening, my friend did not throw me a drinking party.

I did not completely wasted and then go home and get sick.

I did not drink two nights in a row last week.

I have not been sleeping until about 12PM most days because I am having trouble going to sleep so I don't get to sleep until about 2AM.

I am not sitting here, trying to cut off a huge bow on a shirt I bought because I hate the bow but love the shirt.

I have not cut off the bow, and am now not left with a black piece of fabric in the middle of the chest area. I am not trying to undo the sewing that holds it to the shirt now.

I did not (sort of) empty out a bag that has been sitting in my room for years with clothes I want to take to the tailor but never get around to doing.

I did not place some clothes back into the bag, stuff the bag somewhere else, and then make two more bags of clothes out of the rest of the clothes that were in there. I am much more organized than that.

I do not currently have five bags sitting on the floor in my room, in various places. The bags are not filled with clothes in different categories. (Two bags of clothes to give away, one bag of clothes to sell, one bag of clothes to eventually take into the tailor, and one bag of clothes to take into the tailor now.)

I also do not have a bag of clothes sitting the car that I tried to sell but that they did not take. I do not keep forgetting it's in the car and to take it up.

What have you not done this last week?

Letting Go

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
-- Author Unknown

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
-- Sylvia Robinson

A year and a half ago someone walked into my life, someone I was not looking for, nor expecting. Yet, there he was and he became an integral, important part of my life. Now, a year and a half later, he is gone. Not completely out of my life, but nowhere near like it was before. He has moved, over 6,000 miles away, to pursue his dream. I do not fault him or blame him for doing so. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do what he has, and for that, I greatly admire him. However, it has left me trying to deal and cope with his leaving.

In the past two weeks I have had to learn to let go. It has not been easy; some days are harder than others. But I am learning, and with each day, I become more able to deal with and accept the situation. With each day, I am able to let go a little bit more and move on with my life. He will always be a huge part of my life, and, no matter what happens in the future, I hope we will remain friends, but I have to let him go. As the saying goes, "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

I Did Not!

Yup, it's that time again. Another Monday, another Not Me! Click on over to MckMama's blog to check out what she's not been doing, and see what others have not been doing.

Last Thursday night, I did not go out with a friend to a specific restaurant because they serve alcohol there and I was in desperate need of some.

I did not get an Amaretto milkshake while there, and then finish the whole thing even though I was full because I wanted the alcohol.

I did not tell the waitress when ordering the milkshake, "I think I deserve this. My boyfriend just left me today for another country. For a year, at least."

I did not do the same thing last night while out with some friends (though at a different place).

I did not, however, have two drinks, deciding I still deserve it and because the day was a bad one.

I did not also have a "brownie bliss" there (brownie bites and ice cream, served with chocolate sauce) because chocolate and alcohol make me feel better.

I did not get drunk last night.

I am not going to a party today in the afternoon, in my honor, to get drunk (again) because my boyfriend has left the country. I do not get drunk two days in a row.

Ok, let's have it! What have you not done?

Happy Fourth of July!

In honor of Independence Day, I have decided to post some quotes, reminding us what this day is truly about. Happy Fourth of July everyone!

In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Dick Cheney*

All we have of freedom, all we use or know - This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.
~Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Freedom is never given, it is won. ~Anonymous

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. ~John F. Kennedy


*Yes, I seriously did quote Dick Cheney, and no, I cannot believe it myself. On a serious note, it is a good quote, which is why it is in here.

A Good Cry

Last night I had good, long cry. It was something I had been holding in for awhile now, at least a month, probably longer. I was trying to go to sleep, holding a bean-bag pillow that used to belong to my boyfriend. He let me have it when he left, and I've slept with it for the past two nights. As I was holding the pillow in my arms, I started to feel the tears come. I was going to squelch them as I have been doing for the past two months, but decided that I should let them flow. He is gone; he left, and I was finally free to cry. So I did. I just let it all out. All the tears and emotions that I had been feeling and squelching, were finally allowed to flow freely, and it felt good.

Leaving on a Jet Plane II*

Today is the day. At 10:38AM he is leaving for New York, and on July 6th, he leaves for Israel. I try not to think about it, but it seems to be all I can do lately. I am not sure if I can put into words how I am feeling. I am not really sure I want to, yet. Putting it into words, writing it down, will make it final. It will make it real. Yes, in my mind I know it is real, and I know it is happening. But it has not happened yet. He has not boarded the plane, it has not taken off, I have not said goodbye. Therefore, it not completely real.

I have not cried yet, either. Not because I do not care, but because, in my thinking, he is still here, still with me, and I am not going to spend the time I have left with him crying. I refuse to do that. I refuse to fall apart in front of him. I am going to support him, no matter what it costs me, because it is what I need to do. It is what I want to do. When he is on the plane, then I will begin my sob fest. But until then, my eyes will remain (fairly) dry.

* In May, 2009 I made a blog post titled "Leaving on Jet Plane ," which is where I first mentioned my boyfriends' plans to make Aliyah. For that post, see here.

The Little Things

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
-- Laura Ingalls Wilder (1867-1957, Author of "Little House on the Prairie")

It's very easy to forget the little things in this world we have created. The world we live in is full of big things--cars, homes, food (Whopper, Big Mac, etc.), and many other things. But the small things, the moments you wish to remember forever, are the ones I am learning to appreciate the most and savor. The belly laughter of my one and half year cousin when she sees something obviously hilarious (to her only, most times), my boyfriend holding my hand in public or giving me a kiss on my head, or the beautiful sunset on the way to Wisconsin Dells.

Each of these things, and many more, have meant more to me in the past four months than they probably ever have, and for that, I have my boyfriend to thank. On July 6th, he is moving to Israel, but tomorrow, he is leaving for New York. I have no idea when I will see him again, and have therefore been trying to savor and appreciate every moment I have left with him. I would love to be able to remember every moment, but the truth is, I cannot, and I know that. So, until he leaves tomorrow morning, I will just be enjoying, relishing, and appreciating every moment I have left with him.