Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day, the day when you are supposed to be sweet and romantic to, and with, your significant other, buy each other gifts, and generally be all mushy. I have never been big on the holiday. It's not that I dislike it, but I do not love it. Honestly, I do not understand the holiday. Why have one day where you show your love for your significant other? Should we not be doing that every day?

Yet, I know we don't do that every day. I certainly do not. Other things get in the way: work, family, school, and life in general. But I try to, and, in my opinion, that is what counts. That you try, every day, to show your love for that special person in your life; not that you do it for one day out of the year and do not attempt it again until the next year.*

I do not need my boyfriend to buy me candy, roses, chocolates, stuffed bears or other assorted animals to know that he loves me or is thinking about me. I know that he is, and I know this because of the other ways he shows it-- the texts in the morning saying "Boker tov" (good morning), the unexpected beautiful gifts he sends me (not in honor of Valentine's Day), his constant encouragement and not allowing me to give up, his willingness to spend over an hour on the phone with me helping me with my internet problem, his worrying about my worrying about things, and other things. I look at the little things he does. For me, while the big things are nice, it's the little things that count the most.

However, just because I am not crazy about Valentine's Day, does not mean I don't wish all of you one. Happy Valentine's Day!

*I'm not saying that is what people do, just that I sometimes think of Valentine's Day like that. 

Happy New Year's!

To Those Who Celebrate

A Very Merry Christmas! 

Around The Table

As I sat down to the dinner table at my aunt's house on Erev Rosh HaShana, I noticed how much it has changed in the past ten years, how much the seating arrangement and the people around it had changed. Yes, I know many things change in ten years, but I did not expect to see my role, the new teenager who recently started high school, played out by the oldest of my younger cousins, M. It never occurred to me that I would see myself in my younger cousin. Nor was I expecting to be placed in my older cousins' shoes.

Ten years ago, only one set of my older cousins had children (two daughters), and the other two sets of cousins were married, but no children (yet). Ten years ago, it was I who had just entered high school, I who did not want to be placed at the "children's table" (which essentially just consisted of myself and my younger brother), I who wanted so badly to sit and talk with my cousins like the adult I thought I was. It was I who was being asked about high school and what teachers I had, about the homework, classes, and books I had to read.

But as we sat down to begin our meal this year, I realized that it was not myself caught between childhood and adulthood, it was not I who had just entered high school and wanted to sit with adults in my family. I was already there. I was sitting at the table with the adults, talking to them as if I was one. M, my fourteen year old cousin, was in the role I used to play, and I was playing the role of the older cousin, the one she wanted to sit next to, to talk to, the one she looked up to. 

As she and I walked to my aunt's (her grandmother) house the next day from synagogue, talking like we never have before, I realized how nice it was to finally be at this point, to be able to talk to her more like the adult she is becoming, instead of the child she used to be. Then I thought to myself how nice it was that things were coming full circle, and that who knows, maybe in ten years, she will have the same revelations as I just did.

Happy 4th of July!

To all my readers:

Happy 4th of July!

Happy Passover!

To all my Jewish (and non-Jewish) readers:

My apologies for the lack of posts as of late, but I'll be back with more after the holiday is over. In the meantime, if anyone wants a good laugh, check this out. Enjoy the holiday and the matzah!

Reflections

 "One year will change a life forever."

As we rang in the New Year, and a new decade, last week, I read and heard many people wondering where they were and what they were doing ten years ago when we rang in the new millennium. As I sat and listened to them, or read what they wrote, I asked myself the same question. Where was I, at that very moment, ten years ago? Well, the boring answer is I was babysitting, while my cousins went out and partied in the New Year. I had just turned fourteen, in eighth grade, six months away from graduating. I was young. I was very young, innocent, and naive. I had dreams and aspirations; dreams I never thought could be deterred in any way, and aspirations I thought I would reach.

Now it is ten years later. I am twenty-four. I am no longer (as) young, and definitely no longer innocent and naive. I still have those dreams and aspirations I had back then, but these days they include the real world, reality, and everything in between, everything that could, and does, get in the way. I have a Bachelor's degree that gets me no where, no job, and loans to pay off. More than anything else though, I have no idea in what direction my life is headed. Ten years ago, I had it mapped out to a "T."

Then I thought about where I was last year, how I celebrated New Years then. As I recalled, I remembered that when I rang in 2009 last year, I had everything mapped out then as well. Granted, there had been some bends in the road, but for the most part, I knew where I was headed. My life was on track, going in the right direction, the direction I wanted. I had a job, I was working on getting into law school, I had a great relationship (that I thought I knew where it was headed), and great family and friends. Things were going well. Now, it is a year later, and nothing has gone the way I planned. At all. Almost everything has changed.

I realized then that a life can change greatly in ten years, and is expected to change greatly in that time span. After all, ten years is a long time. But a year can be a long time, too. Life can change just as much in one year as it can in ten. Mine did, and it taught me to expect the unexpected, that I can plan all I want, but that G-d might be laughing at me for planning. I have learned to do my best, try my hardest, and not give up, but I have also learned to take things as they come. So, here's to a 2010 that will bring the unexpected, inspiration, change for the better, and the realization of childhood dreams.

Farewell Old Year

Here is a poem I found that I thought was apt, considering what today is. Enjoy!

FAREWELL OLD YEAR

Farewell old year,
We may not see
Your like again,
Though some remain

In memory
Of cheer or tear
Of achievements

Made or unmade,
Friends gained or lost,
Now like misers
We count the cost

And close the year,
Calendars tossed,
Diaries shut.

Welcome New Year,
You come to us
Like virgin bride,
Fresh and untouched,

Full of promise,
Introductions
At first uncertain,

But far off sights
Will bring delights
And better days,
And far less tears

Or heart break hours
We hope and pray.
Farewell old year;
Farewell today.

Happy New Year!

To all my friends, readers, lurkers, and everyone else, Happy New Year! May this year be one of health, happiness, success, and everything else you wish for!

 

On Being A Jew

As I approached synagogue on Erev Yom Kippur, I saw a man standing outside the building, talking on his cell phone. I commented to my mother, "Look at that guy there. I'll bet he's a three-time-a-year Jew." (A three-times-a-year-Jew is a Jew who only goes to synagogue three time a year, on the holiest holidays.) Then it occurred to me: I am no better than him. Granted, I do not talk on my cell phone outside of synagogue; heck, I do not even bring my cell phone to synagogue, but I have become a three-time-a-year Jew. I realized it was the pot calling the kettle black.

As I sat in synagogue on Erev Yom Kippur and listened to my uncle sing Kol Nidre, I kept wondering about why I was there, sitting in synagogue, praying, fasting, asking G-d to forgive me of my sins, to inscribe me in the book of life. I wondered why I had to go and say the words in the book, why I had to sit there and listen to the prayers (as beautiful as some of them are), and I wondered what it meant if the words I said did not carry the same meaning for me as they did for me five or ten years ago.

I sat there, struggling with my inner self, my inner thoughts, trying to decide if I was a bad Jew. I no longer go to synagogue on a regular basis, in fact, I do not go at all except for holidays, if then. I eat out non-kosher dairy, and I keep Shabbos (sort of), but not to the extent others, more religious Jews, do, among other things. But does that make me a bad Jew? Better yet, is there such a thing as bad Jew?

I do what works for me, I do what I believe and what I believe in. It may not follow all the laws or traditions, but it is what I believe. Many will say that Judaism is not about doing what works for you or doing what you believe in; it is about doing and believing, plain and simple. And that's great. If those people have such great faith, such great belief, and the resolve to do it all, or even more than what I do, I commend them, I really do. It's not easy. Being a Jew has never been easy, and it was never meant to be.

Being a Jew is built on faith, and a lot of it. I no longer believe the way I used to; I no longer have the same amount of faith that I used to have. I do have it when it comes to certain things, but the rest I have been looking for that belief, that complete and utter faith, for some time now. Searching for the belief that I had when I was in grade school, high school even. It constantly eludes me. I still have faith, but it is not on the same level that I used to have it. And maybe I am not meant to find it. Maybe I am supposed to stay at this level of faith. Maybe, at this point in my life, I am where I am supposed to be, including in my beliefs.

Happy Fourth of July!

In honor of Independence Day, I have decided to post some quotes, reminding us what this day is truly about. Happy Fourth of July everyone!

In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Dick Cheney*

All we have of freedom, all we use or know - This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.
~Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan

And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

Freedom is never given, it is won. ~Anonymous

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. ~John F. Kennedy


*Yes, I seriously did quote Dick Cheney, and no, I cannot believe it myself. On a serious note, it is a good quote, which is why it is in here.

In Flanders Fields

Today is Memorial Day, a day in the United States where we honor those who fought and those who died in wars. In honor of Memorial Day, below is a poem that is often recited on this day.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

[The poppies referred to in the poem grew in abundance in Flanders where war casualties of World War I were buried. They became a symbol of Remembrance Day, and today Members of the Veterans of Foreign Wars take donations for poppies in the days leading up to Memorial Day.]

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. And to those who have fallen, fought, or are fighting, I say thank you.

Happy Mother's Day!