I Want My Mommy

These past few days I have been sick; sore throat, sneezing, low-grade fever, you know, the typical cold. Aside from curling up in bed into a little ball until it goes away, all I want is my mom, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Yes, I am almost 25 years old, but when I get sick, no matter what it is, how old I am, where I am, all I want is my mommy. There is nothing like a mother's hug, touch, and care to make a person feel better, even when they are at their lowest. There is nothing like a mother.

I was considering this the other day, and I realized that this will be the last time in a long time I will be able to go to my mom for comfort when I am sick. The next time I become sick, I will be in Michigan, 250 miles away from my mom and the comfort of her arms. This hit me like a ton of bricks. It was probably the one thing I had yet to consider about my move. I had considered everything else but this. Yes, I can call her, and we can talk, but it will not be the same. She will not be there to hug me, to feel my forehead checking to make sure I do not have a fever, she will not bring me chicken soup, or just be there to lean against. I will not have that anymore.

I will have to learn how to cope without her, in all things. Not only will I have to comfort myself when sick, but I will have to be my own sounding board, make my own dinners (and breakfasts and lunches), remind myself of the thousands of things I need to do, and many other things. I am positive that she will still do whatever she can over the phone, but it will not be the same. She will not be there. It will be up to me.

In the meantime, I will take whatever I can get, and then some. Like I said, there is nothing like a mother.

Movin' on Up

In late December, I will be moving up. Well, moving north to be more exact, but that is up. I will moving in order to go to law school. I will be in Michigan, which is only one state away from my family, but for me, it is more than that. For me it means that not only am I finally realizing my dream of going to law school, but it also means that everything has changed, that everything is changing. And while change is good (for the most part, I believe), it is also scary, and for me, this is very scary.

Believe it or not, I have never lived away from home. In fact, I have never been away from home for more than two weeks. I never went away to school or dormed while in college. I stayed put, mostly out of necessity. Financially, it was out of the question. While I could have gotten loans for it, I did not want to do that. I was already going to have loans from college as it was, plus the loans that I would have for law school and living expenses while there, so taking out more loans just to live on campus or near it did not make sense; it was not practical. So I stayed home. Now, though, moving is a necessity. If I want to go to law school (and I do), I have to go to Michigan. I have no choice. You see, the school where I am going is the only school that accepted me. I do not have a choice of which school to attend, because, trust me, if I did, I would chose to stay home as it is financially more feasible. So I am moving, and for the first time in my life, I will not live at home.

Not only will I not be living at home, but I will be completely on my own in every way possible. Yes, I am a very independent person, pay for just about everything myself, and can take care of myself, but like I said, I have always been at home. There has always been someone there (sometimes to my annoyance). Once I move though, there will be no one, except for maybe a roommate, but that will not be the same. I will not have any family or friends there. I will have no support system there; they will be one state away. I will be totally alone. Yes, I am sure I will make some friends, but it will still not be the same. My home, family, and friends will not be there. I will be on my own.

I am excited and scared at the same time. My life as I know it will be changed forever. There are times when I stop whatever I am doing and just think, "Oh my G-d. I am moving," almost as if it has just hit me (at the rate I am going though, it has hit me about twenty times already). But then there are times where I think, "I'm moving,"as if it as natural as breathing. For me though, just the word "moving" has so much connotation because it means so much change. I have about five months before I have to go, and from now until then I have no doubt that my thoughts will be all over the place, including continuing to alternate between "Oh my G-d, I'm moving" and "I'm moving." In the meantime though, there are things to do, decisions to be made, and plans to make before I can move on up and start my new adventure.

Accepted!

In this post, I talked about taking my life in a new direction, finding a new path, a new passion, and a new career. And I was fine with it, remember? However, I am extremely happy to say that I no longer have to consider doing that. You see, I GOT INTO LAW SCHOOL! Yes, that's right. I'm in!

After that last post, I received a message from a friend who told me not to give up on my dream, that there is a way to get what I want. Feeling greatly encouraged, I decided to apply to that last law school. I figured, "What the hell? The worst they can do is say no," and I had already received enough "no's" that one more would not make a difference. Three weeks later, I received a large manila envelope in the mail from the school, and as soon as I saw the large envelope, I knew-- I was in!

So now I get to spend the next six months preparing to start law school and move to a new city and state. There is quite a lot to do; I do not think I have even wrapped my head around the whole thing yet. There are times where I will just stop and think, "I'm moving to Michigan." I am leaving everything I have ever known, family, friends, job, familiarity, to do this. But if this is what I have to do in order to achieve my dream, so be it. Though life as I know it will never be the same.


*More to come later on law school, I just wanted to let everyone know the happy news.

The Dawn of a New Dream

I have one more application to send in my quest to get into law school, yet I am hesitating. I am unsure if I want to send it in. If I should even bother. I have sent in four or five other law school applications this year and all have been rejected. The odds are not on my side for this last one. In fact, I think it is safe to say the odds are completely against me. So I hesitate and wonder, and in the meantime, contemplate my other options.

I am unsure if I want to give up on law school and instead focus on something else. Yet, that is what I seem to find myself doing. My problem though, is what to focus on. Yes, I have other areas of interest, journalism for one, but that is not what worries me. What worries me is if I can see pursuing one or two of those areas and doing that for the rest of my life. Or should I go to graduate school and get a degree in something else? But then I am confronted with the same problem: Can I see myself doing that one thing (the thing I spent two more years of education and money on) for the rest of my life? I am not sure.

The weird thing is, I am okay with giving up on law school. No, it is not great, but it is not the end of the world either. Yes, it was my dream for twelve years, but that does not mean I do not have other dreams, or that dreams cannot change. Of course they change, and they change because we change. Maybe, despite how long I have wanted to go to law school and be a lawyer, maybe I was never meant to be one. Maybe I was always meant to be something else.

Thinking of You

For almost a year now I have been jobless, and for almost a year now I have had people helping me look for one, without my knowing. These are not the people who will pass along a job to me that they heard or read about, these are people who will go to people they know and ask them about a job for me. I will then receive a message from them to call so-and-so, he/she would like to talk to me about a job, or even better, there is no job, but Mr. Head Honcho would like to talk to me anyway.

Great. Just great. Why? Because even though I am not looking for a job at the time as I am concentrating on the LSATs, law school applications, or waiting to hear from schools, I now have an obligation to call these people. I now have to take time out of my day, put on a friendly, smiley face, be polite and adult-like, and call these people. I have to talk to them for five to ten minutes, rehash my LSAT and law school history and problems, listen to them give me advice that I have probably already heard more times than I can count, thank them for their help, and then say goodbye.

Yes, it is only five or ten minutes, yes, these people who hook me up do have my best interest at heart, yes, I do appreciate it, and yes, who knows, maybe someday in the future it will benefit me, but right now, I do not want them doing this for me. I do not want a job now, I am not looking for one and will not be looking for one until I know what is going with law school. On top of that, I would really like to choose what kind of job to get, where I apply for a job, and whom I talk to about one. It is my life, and I would like to have some control over it. So, while the thoughts and gestures are appreciated, please, let me make my own decisions about what job I would like and where I work.

Rejection Letters

The other day my mom asked me, "If you heard anything, you'd tell me, right?" She was referring to my law school applications and whether or not I heard back from any schools yet. I replied, "Yes." Truth be told though, I heard back from one school a few weeks ago and did not tell anyone, for two weeks. In fact, I just told my best friend, A, the other day. I still have not told my mom, though I know I have to.

One reason I kept it to myself is that it makes me feel like a failure, even though this is not the first law school rejection letter I have ever received. I felt like a failure last year when I received five rejection letters (though granted, I was expecting all of them). Then, I felt like a failure when I received my most recent LSAT score (because of all the hours of studying I put in), and now I feel like a failure with my latest rejection letter. It is just one thing after another.

Part of the reason this rejection letter was so much more of a disappointment and failure is because this time, I aimed low when applying. I am only applying to schools that I have a chance of being accepted at, so when one school like that tells me "No, sorry, even though we are on the lowest tier as far as law schools go, we still do not want you," it naturally makes me feel like a failure. (That is not what they really said, but that is basically what it comes down to.) The letter also made any hope I had of getting into other schools disappear.

Another reason I did not tell anyone until recently is not only because I feel like a failure, but because I am the type of person that needs time to absorb and process this kind of information, and in this case, the disappointment and failure. I did the same thing when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. I did not tell anyone right away as I needed time to process and absorb. This time, not only did I need time, but as I said, it was, is, a disappointment. A great disappointment. Yes, it was only one school out of about six, but a rejection letter is still a rejection letter, and failure is still failure, no matter what. So when I received that letter two weeks ago, I read it, left it on my desk for a few days, then ripped it up and recycled it, not telling anyone anything. I was in no hurry to broadcast my rejection, to anyone.

What Are You Up To These Days?

Maybe it is just me, but I feel as if I have been asked that question a lot lately. For some odd reason, I seem to be running into people who have the need to know this about me, and I hate answering. Not because I am ashamed that I do not have a job or that I am not in school, but because I know what most of them are probably thinking, or going to think when they hear it. They are going to judge me in some way, shape, or form, and I hate that. Yes, I do have a few part-time jobs, and I do all the errands for my mom, and believe it or not, I am happy and love where I am at in my life, but I also know people will still think of the fact that I do not have a full-time job or are in school. In other words, I am not doing anything productive or worthwhile.

Honestly, I do not care what they think or if they judge me, but at the same time, I do not want to sound like I am not being productive, like I do nothing. So, in order to sound like I actually have goals and do not want to be a bum, I tell them (after telling them that I am not really doing much of anything) that I am in the middle of applying to law schools. And their responses go from glum to peppy: "Oh" to "OH!" Then of course, that opens a whole new door that I would really prefer not to walk into, but have to since I opened it. I now have to answer all their questions about that. Where I am applying to, what kind of law, have I taken the LSATs yet, etc, etc. Thankfully, the conversation wanes after that and we are both off to continue whatever we were doing.

I may not really be up to anything or doing anything these days, and quite frankly, I love it and am happy. So judge me all you want and think whatever you want. I may hate it, but I do not really care. I do not have to answer or explain my self to anyone. I will keep doing what I am doing, and hopefully, next time I run into you, it will be when I am lawyer. In fact, next time, it might be across of a courtroom.

The Results Are In

Yes, they are. I am not referring to the Olympics. I am referring to my LSAT score, which I received a few days ago. It is in the same range as it has always been in, which means I am back to where I started. Actually, I guess I never left. But I am not mad, angry, or upset. I am not even disappointed. I am just frustrated, but not even that much. I am frustrated because I put in a lot of time, effort, and money this last time to get a better score, and yet, it did not work. I was not expecting a huge increase, I am realistic, but a score that was a bit higher would have been nice. Like I said though, I was not expecting much, if anything, so it is hard to be let down.

That being said, while I may be done with the LSATs, I am not finished. I am still applying to law schools, but this time, they are schools where I have a chance of getting in; schools that accept a score like mine. I am in the midst of applying now, so, please keep your fingers crossed and me in your prayers.

Everything Happens For A Reason

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. -Douglas Adams

For those that do not know me, and even for those who do, I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason. I may not always know the reason, but I believe that it was meant to happen. The reason I bring this up is that, one night last week my friend asked me if I was happy. I thought about it for a few seconds and replied, "Yes and no."

Let me begin with the "no" answer. I cannot say that I am unhappy, for I am not. However, considering that this is not where I wanted to be at this time in my life, a year and a half after graduating college, yes, in a way, I am unhappy, but only in the sense of how everything turned out. Things did not go as I had planned. If I had known that this is where I would have ended up now, I would not have set my hopes so high, and it would have made the transition from college to the real world easier. It would have made realizing that my dreams might not happen, or might not happen the way I wanted them to happen, easier.

But yes, I am happy with my life as it is, despite how things ended up. No, I did not end up where I wanted to be at this time in my life, but I do believe I am where I am supposed to be. I believe that I was supposed to end up here-- unemployed, living at home, trying a number of times to succeed on the LSATs and get into law school, and single. Of this I have no doubt. I am where I am supposed to be.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, including all of this. I may not know all, or any of the reasons, but I do not need to know them. All I need to know is that this is where I am in my life and this is where I was supposed to end up, and that I am who I am because of it. And I am happy, very happy.

The Countdown Begins

The LSATs are exactly three weeks from today, which means I have exactly three weeks left to improve upon, well, everything. The nice thing is that now I know what I am good at and I know what I am horrible at. The question remains though is whether or not I can get better at the questions I am terrible at, or whether I should let those go and focus on the easier ones and the ones I know I can improve upon. In the LSAT though, every correct answer counts. In fact, in the LSAT, just getting five to seven more questions right can not only raise a score, but can also raise the percentile a person falls into by ten. Ten percentile points just for answering five to seven more questions correctly. When applying to law school, that can make all the difference.

I have not taken a practice test in almost two weeks. The last time I took one my score went down eight points from the previous practice test. Needles to say, not good. I think much of it may have been my fault though. I really did not want to take the test then, made myself do it, and by the end of each section I was more than ready to be done. It showed. I also did not study or review very much before I took it, which was clearly a mistake. So, I decided to just study for awhile before taking another test and ordered three new books to study with, the PowerScore Trilogy Set. (I ordered from Amazon, without the Logic Games Workbook). I am currently working on the Logical Reasoning book. (Just as a FYI, the Logical Reasoning section is worth fifty percent of a person's LSAT score. It is worth more than any other section on the test, which is why I am focusing on it first.)

I will admit, I have my good days and my bad days. Days where I feel I will do better on the test when the time comes, and days when I wonder if I am crazy for doing this a fourth time. I also have moments where I think I should postpone it (again) until June. At the same time though, I want to be done with this, and I know that postponing will just make me postpone studying, which would defeat the purpose of moving it to June. My biggest problem is though, that I know I am improving, I know I am understanding things enough to improve (it definitely shows when I answer questions in the books), but it is just not translating to the tests. Like I said, I think part of it is my fault, but the other part? That I do not know. I think the time issue is what gets to me, along with the fact that the questions get harder as each section progresses, which takes me more time to complete. I do not have enough time to analyze it and really go into depth while studying and taking practice tests. Maybe if I had more time I would, but right now, I really think I need to focus on getting the questions right that I know I can get right, and practicing getting most of the other questions right. I am not aiming for a high score; I have to be reasonable and realistic here. All I am really aiming for at this point is a score high enough to get me in somewhere.

Anyway, my break from studying is over, so I am going to hit the books some more. In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me, pray, or whatever, and hopefully I will be back soon for another post (but if not, you know why).

Third Time's the Charm

Or, in my case, the fourth time. At least that is what I am hoping. Praying. I am placing all my cards on this one last time, my one last shot. And because it is my last time, I am filled with angst and indecision about everything. Will I be ready in three weeks? Should I change the date (again) so I can study more? Will studying more even help me? Should I get a private tutor? Am I just not cut out to do this and am having an extremely hard time acknowledging it? Should I just give up and let it go?

Those are just the questions that are constantly repeated in my head. There are more floating around in there. Obviously, I do not have the answers to any of those questions. (If I did, I would not be here.) The only answer I have is that because this is my last shot, I want to give it my all. I want to go in knowing that I did everything in my power to succeed, knowing that I am as ready as I will ever be to do it, and if that means moving the date again, then so be it. Then, and only then, will I be able to let it go.

Ironic

I was adding a gadget to my Google homepage just now, and I decided to add a "Motivational Quote of the Day" gadget. As I returned to my iGoogle page, the motivational quote that appeared was:

"If you want to get somewhere you have to know where you want to go and how to get there. Then never, never, never give up." -Norman Vincent Peale

I thought to myself, "Now that's irony."  You see, the past week or so I have been seriously considering just giving up on my dream of going to law school. Taking the LSATs (almost) four times and still not doing well enough to get in anywhere, tends to send a person a message. Like maybe it's time to consider other career options. As the week has gone by, this has seemed more and more like what was going to happen and I was just pushing off the inevitable.

And then I saw this quote and thought to myself that either I should reconsider giving up on law school, or that G-d is trying to send me a message. Should I keep pursuing my dream? But then I thought to myself that there is only so much pursuing, pushing, trying that one person can do, and eventually, you have to face reality. Or put it off to the side for a few years. That is what I have been thinking of doing--putting off law school for three or four years, then going back for another shot. Not giving up. Maybe I just need to figure out another way to get there.

When Things Fall Apart

What do you do when everything seems to be falling apart, not going the way you planned? What do you do when it seems your dreams are no longer a reality but a fading hope?

I had my life mapped out when I was in high school. I would go to college, get a degree, go to law school, get married, have a career and children, and life would be good and I would be happy. I guess you could say I wanted it all. Granted, I knew it would not go exactly as I planned, and that a few details were missing, but I had no doubt that I would figure them out and that everything would fall into place.

Fast forward five or six years. I did go to college, and graduate. But that is the only thing in my plan that actually worked out. That was actually the easy part. The rest, as they like to say, has gone to hell. I have spent the past two years trying to get into law school, (and am now spending a lot of money only to realize that maybe I do not have what it takes to even get in); I had a job, then lost it; and the guy, well, he is 7,000 miles away in Israel. So much for my mapped out life, right?

So, again, I ask, what do you do when nothing seems to be going your way, when it seems your dreams are not going to come to fruition? What do you do when reality hits and there is no longer a way to avoid it? Me, I crash and burn. That is what I am doing right now. Crashing and burning, in bits and pieces. As of right now, my life has taken on a entirely new direction. One I did not see coming, one I did not really prepare for. And I have absolutely no clue what to do next.

The Map and the Calling

When people are young, they tend to map out their life. Where they will go to college, what their major will be, what profession they will go into, what age they marry and have children, and what job they will ultimately end up getting. But life and G-d have a funny way of stepping in and saying, "That's what you think." So, what do you do when your plans go "boom!" in your face?

I had my life mapped out. Yes, I was one of those girls who would dream about all that stuff I wrote above. I knew what age I wanted to be when I got married, what age when I had my first child, graduated law school, and so on. Over the past three years though, my life plans had changed. I would not be going to straight to law school from college. I was not going to be getting married at twenty-four and having my first child at twenty-seven. And I was fine with that. Really. It was an adjustment, realizing that what I'd dreamed about would not go exactly as I planned, but that's life, right? So I worked around it.

I took a year off from school to work, practice for and take the LSATs, apply to law schools, and date. (Ok, the dating kind of just fell into my lap. It was not planned, nor did I take a year off to do that.) It's been great. I love my job, though not everyone I work with. But as much as I love my job, it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, and frankly, it's not something I would happy doing for the rest of my life.

I applied to four law schools, and have heard back from two. I'm waiting to hear back from two others, but honestly, things are not looking good. One of the schools I heard back from is one of the easier schools to get into. They tend to take the students that are good, but not great. Well, apparently, I'm not good, or even good enough. I didn't get in, and if I did not get in there, to that school, then I am probably not going to get in anywhere else. So now I'm faced with the question of "Now what?"

Where do I go from here? What do I do? Do I continue to apply in the hopes that someone will accept me, or do I give up, and find some other profession? My problem with the latter is, I do not think I can really be happy with doing anything else. I saw somewhere recently, I don't recall where, that being a lawyer is not a profession, it is a calling. And that is so true, at least for me. I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was twelve years old. I am now twenty-three. That's a long time to know what you want to do and not have it change.

But now my dreams seem to be crashing before my eyes, and am I left to wonder and try to decide where to go from here. To top it all off, the guy I have been dating for the past (almost) year and a half is moving to Israel in two months. So there goes that as well. What do you do when your plans fail and your calling seems to no longer be calling you?

Roads Taken

There's a famous poem by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken," about a man who comes to a fork in the road and has to choose a path. Left or right? Which way would bring him to place he sought, whatever that might be?

I have a friend who is town for a few weeks (yay!) thanks to the holidays, and tonight, the few of us who are left here in Chicago are going out with her. As I sit here, anticipating the night to come, the laughs, giggles, gossip, and fun, I cannot help but think of that poem, and how different our lives are now, especially considering where we were just four years ago.

Four years ago, we all stood in the same place, looking toward our future, whatever that might be. We were off to college, or, in most cases, to Israel for a year. After that, college. We each stood on the road, and chose our path. For some, it led to college in New York. For others, that path led to college back home.

Four years later, we were back, standing at the fork again, though this time, we were no longer standing together. We were each standing at our respective forks; the forks where the previous path had led us, each on our own. One of us made the decision to join her family in Israel for a year; the other, to stay in New York and either get a job or go to school; for two of us, well, we stayed in our home city, waiting for everyone to return to us. (Don't worry, we got, or are getting jobs.)

We still sit, waiting for those times during the year when our friends will return, and we'll all hang out like old times. But it will never be like old times. While the friendship is still there, it is different. We are different. We are all different people, at different stages of our lives, yet, at the same time, at the exact same stages. Some of us have to work at the friendship a bit more; for some, it's just there, flowing like it always did. But when we're together, it's almost like nothing has changed. But underneath, we all know things have changed, and will keep changing. We have all chosen very different roads over the years, but the one road we have not chosen is to let this friendship go. The one road we hae chosen together over the years is to keep this bond we have, this closeness, the friendship we have forged through the years, depsite what other roads we have chosen or will choose.

The poem by Robert Frost:

The Road Not Taken (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth. Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same. And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

The LSATs

I did it. I finally did it, and it's over. I took the LSATs. Wow. What an experience. I really really REALLY hope I never have to take them again. I do not want to go through it one more time. Once is enough.

We had to be there for 12:30PM on Monday, June 11th. I got there at 11:30AM because I didn't know how long it would take for me to get there or the procedure. Amazingly, tons of people were already there. (It seems as though the June test day is a very popular one. There were thousands of people there-no joke.) They separated us into rooms based on last names, which was a good idea. Finding the rooms is another story though. And get this: They only allow you to bring certain things into the room, and whatever you bring has to fit into a clear plastic bag, but they don't specify size (which is weird because they specify the size of the water bottle you can bring).

When it's time to begin check-in, they make you present an ID, and then fingerprint you. Why they fingerprint you I have no idea. I don't think they have access to any federal system that allows them to check fingerprints. But anyway. Once they do that, you go into the room, have to check in once more, again with the ID, and then they tell you where to sit. No, I'm not kidding. Once they are ready to distribute the materials, they go around and before handing it to you, check your ID. Then, when everyone has their materials, the proctor reads EVERYTHING to the test takers.

There are six sections, and you have 35 minutes to complete each one. In each section there are 25-27 questions. The proctor does not countdown the time, he/she will announce when there are five minutes left. In between sections three and four there is 10-15 minute break-just enough time to scarf down a quick snack and go to the bathroom. Before they let the people out of the room, the test materials are collected, counted, counted again, checked to make sure everything is in there that is supposed to be. When we return, we are given the test back and our IDs checked, partly to make sure we have the right test and for security purposes too. Again, all the instructions are read out loud.

By the time the we finished, it was 6:15PM, and every one of us was up out of our seats before the proctor could say "You may now leave, yadda, yadda, yadda." Boy, did we fly out of there.

I don't get my score until July 2nd, but to be honest, waiting for my score will be much easier than waiting for the test.

What Am I Thinking!?

Over the past three or four months I've been doing a lot of thinking about the direction of my life. As many of you know by now, I want to go into criminal law, working for the county or the state, but lately I've been questioning my decision. I'm not talking about the specialty of law, I'm talking about law, being a lawyer, going to law school. Lately I've been wondering if I'm smart enough to even go to law school.

Now, I know what you all are going to say and what you're thinking. "Of course you're smart enough for law school!" "Why would you think you're not good enough for law school?!" And so on. This is not something I'm saying out of fear of law school and everything it entails. (Well, not completely.) Granted, I am scared. It's a very scary prospect, especially all the work. But I know I can do it. I say this because I've been taking many classes these past two to three quarters that deal with some aspect of law or another, and as I sit there and listen to the answers my peers give, or the questions they ask, I ask myself, "Why can't I think of questions like that? Why do I have such trouble thinking critically?"

Again, I know that the majority of the ctical thinking you do in law school is something that they teach you while you're there, but don't you have to at least show some potential for doing it? Yes, I do think critically, sometimes. It's not that I don't. But I don't think the way other students headed for law school think. And that concerns me.

Be that as it may, I'm sticking to it. I'm going to law school. I have to at least try. After all, I've dreamed of this since I was twelve, and to give up on a dream when it's so close is just....sad. Besides, if I gave up before trying I would never be able to forgive myself. Not to mention, if I don't go, I have no idea what else I'm going to do.

Detours

Ever run into one of those big orange signs on the road that says "Detour" and then an arrow pointing in the direction of the detour? Of course you have. And when that happens you probably do the same thing I do: swear a lot but continue. It's life, it happens.

But what about a detour on a different kind of road? The road that is your life. How do you deal with that? Those detours are not so easy to go around. They can halt you right where you are with no arrow pointing in the direction you are now supposed to head. What do you do? Do you just sit there, staring at the sign (as invisible as it is), or do you pick yourself up and find your own arrow?

I've run into a lot of detours in my life. I wish I could say that I stopped, thought about what to do, and did it. But I didn't. Not always. There were many times where I just sat there, staring at the sign, not knowing what to do or where to go. I couldn't even think about how to handle the detour, and sometimes, I didn't even want to. It was at those times in my life that I was in the passenger seat and someone else was driving. It was also those times when I needed that person to drive. I needed that person to find that arrow for me and start me in the right direction. It was only then that I was able to get into the driver seat and do the driving, finding the arrows on my own.