What do you do when everything seems to be falling apart, not going the way you planned? What do you do when it seems your dreams are no longer a reality but a fading hope?
I had my life mapped out when I was in high school. I would go to college, get a degree, go to law school, get married, have a career and children, and life would be good and I would be happy. I guess you could say I wanted it all. Granted, I knew it would not go exactly as I planned, and that a few details were missing, but I had no doubt that I would figure them out and that everything would fall into place.
Fast forward five or six years. I did go to college, and graduate. But that is the only thing in my plan that actually worked out. That was actually the easy part. The rest, as they like to say, has gone to hell. I have spent the past two years trying to get into law school, (and am now spending a lot of money only to realize that maybe I do not have what it takes to even get in); I had a job, then lost it; and the guy, well, he is 7,000 miles away in Israel. So much for my mapped out life, right?
So, again, I ask, what do you do when nothing seems to be going your way, when it seems your dreams are not going to come to fruition? What do you do when reality hits and there is no longer a way to avoid it? Me, I crash and burn. That is what I am doing right now. Crashing and burning, in bits and pieces. As of right now, my life has taken on a entirely new direction. One I did not see coming, one I did not really prepare for. And I have absolutely no clue what to do next.
3 comments:
There's an old chinese proverb - 'the journey is the reward' - I try to remind myself of that when I realised I'm on about plan X by now. You can't change what you planned yesterday, but you can enjoy today and be the best you you can be right now. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now and hope things become clearer for you soon. X.
When you get just a complete sense of blackness or void ahead of you, that somehow the future looks an impossible place to be, and the direction you are going seems to have no purpose, there is this word despair which is a very awful thing to feel, and this is the same place i find myself as well. It was all so clear and simple...
But you can't reason yourself back into cheerfulness any more than you can reason yourself into an extra six inches in height. So let us do what every other human does in this situation: get sloshed at the local tavern and wake up wearing nothing but your socks at the public water fountain.
I hear you. Believe me. I know exactly how you feel. I am dealing with the same type of situation right now. And slowly, bit by bit, I am turning into a huge mess. It's not fun, it sucks, and I've spent a great deal of time going over it again and again in my head. I can't give you a nice, well thought out answer. I can offer you some advice though. I don't know if this will help, but here goes.
I've learned that even when things get shitty and the road of life takes twists and turns we never thought we'd meet, all we can do is hold on and try to get back on track. I know things aren't easy for you right now, but you're not giving up, you're still trying and that is very important! Instead of saying, "screw it!", you're trying harder and harder! I am very proud of you and your dreams. I know you can do it. As you have said maybe life doesn't go exactly as planned, but maybe it gives us a new plan.
Whoa, I'm not making any sense. What I'm trying to say is, maybe you didn't get into law school exactly when you wanted to, but that doesn't mean you won't. I know you will! As we've both said before, maybe things have to get shitty before they can get better. I know this might sound like crap right now. I try to tell myself this same stuff and it can sound like b.s. sometimes. I don't know the future, but I do know that you are working hard to achieve your dreams. That's amazing. Maybe I should stop before I write more stuff that doesn't make sense. I think you're going to make a great lawyer. If things don't go exactly as planned right now, like you said, maybe you can hold off for a little bit, look for a job in a specific area of law, and then try again in a couple of years. I am always here if/when you need to talk.
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