AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Yes, as you can tell, I'm frustrated, disgusted, upset, etc. Today, the judge in my case ruled that my father has to 'contribute' to college expenses. So you'd think I'd be happy, right? Wrong. I'm on the train on the way down to school when my mom calls me to tell me that Avi has to help pay for college, but that he should call me so we can talk. The judge suggested my cell phone. I told my mom that he could call, but NOT my cell phone, no way was he getting my cell number. I said he could call me at home. Now we just wait and see. After I got off the phone with my mom, I started to freak out and think 'I'm actually going to talk my father after eight years!' I thought I was having a panic attack, or something like it. Anyway, as the day went on, I started to feel a bit better. I decided that if he called that I wouldn't say anything, or not much. I'd let him do the talking, and give one word answers when/if he asked me something. But right now I can't do anything, just wait and see. I didn't think he could have this affect on me anymore.

On another note, I'm dying to tell my guy how I feel about him, but we never seem to talk, or if we do, it's online. I don't want to tell him 'I love you' online. I want to do it in person, but considering I'm in Chicago and he's in New York, that's not possible. So I'll have to settle for over the phone. Like I said, it's not the way I would like to do it, but considering...And I was hoping to tell him before Shavuos, but it doesn't seem like I'll be able to. Saturday night. I'm telling him Saturday night. You know, having his phone number would really help at a time like this...Oh well, I'll suck it up and live another two days without telling him.