The Greatest Fear

Everybody has a greatest fear, maybe even more than one. I do. But the older I get, the more prominent one fear becomes. For most people who share my fear it's a simple question (though not a simple answer): Will I ever get married? However, for me, that question goes far deeper. For me, that question becomes not only will I ever get married, but will I end up marrying a man like my father? A part of me is inside screaming, "Hell No!" But at the same time though, a part of me knows that it is a possibility, and I can't ignore that part of me no matter how much I would like/love to. I have to face the facts. Yes, it is possible for me to marry someone like my father. At the same time though, I am very aware of what my father is like, and I know what type of man I do, and do not, want to marry. Not to mention that I have great role models. My uncles, cousins, and their marriages are great examples of what I do want, and of how a marriage should be. But still...There is that nagging doubt in the back of my mind. What if I do end up falling in love with and marrying a man like my father, despite knowing what I want and don't want, despite having many great examples? I don't want that, and more importantly, I don't want a divorce. When I marry, I want it to be for life. But try as I might, I cannot escape that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that keeps asking "What if?" I've heard many people tell me, including my mom, that they fear what kind of effect my father has had on me towards men. And their fears are justified honestly. He was a mean, abusive, lying man who really never cared about me, or my brother. Yet, I know that I will do whatever it takes to make sure I do not end up with a man like my father. Even if that means never getting married.