Sunday, May 03, 2009

Leaving on a Jet Plane

All my bags are packed,
I'm ready to go,
I'm standing here,
Outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say Good Bye.
But the dawn is breakin', It's early morn`,
The taxi's waiting, blowin' his horn.
Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you wait for me,
Hold me, like you never let me go.
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane,
Don't know when I'll be back again,
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

My boyfriend of almost a year and a half is leaving in two months for Israel. But he's not just leaving. He is moving. He is making Aliyah to Israel and joining the Israeli army. I am happy for him. I really am. I'm happy he has found a direction, a passion (other than computers, that is). I am happy that he has found something that he wants to do, and I support him in every possible way that I can. But inside, this is killing me.

I try not to think about it, at all, but that is becoming increasingly difficult as the hour of his departure comes closer. And the more I try not to think about it, the more I end up doing just that. I am not sure how many people out there can understand, or comprehend, what this is doing to me, but I am sure there are many out there who can.

It is tearing me up inside. The thought of him leaving is just...incomprehensible. I cannot imagine my life without him in it on a daily basis. I cannot imagine him not being a ten minute drive away. I cannot imagine him not being here to call me a "dork" or tell me that I'm weird. Who am I going to call when I'm bored to tears and tell me to come over, just so that I will have something to do?

How can you imagine your life without someone who has been such an integral part of it for over a year? I can't imagine my life without him, but I have to. He's in New York right now, and while it's not Israel, and still in the general time zone (as opposed to Israel which is eight hours ahead), I still miss him, and I cannot help but think that if this is how I feel when he is 3,000 miles away, how am I going to feel when he is half way around the world? I do not want to even think about it. But as I said, the closer it gets, the more I cannot help but think about it. I know I will have to deal with it at some point, but right now, I'm just not ready to, and honestly, I do not know if I can.

No comments: