I Just Can't Win

Do you have one person where, no matter what you say or how you say it, what you do or how you do something, you will just never win? I do. Boy, do I have someone exactly like that. I have blogged about this person before, and frankly, I am sick of blogging about him, but then again, blogging is a great outlet and right now I need that.

If you guessed my brother you would very correct. Last week we had a fight. I will not go into details because, well, I don't want to. But we had a fight, a big one. Then again, when he and I fight, we do not do it in small doses. We go all out. Though now "all out" is either through text or email since he no longer lives at home. Ever have a fight with someone over email? It's just about as fun as having a fight with someone in person, which is no fun at all.

So anyway, the fight. I'll give you some detail since it will make this easier to understand. We were fighting over the car, of course. It is a fight we have had many times before (and it is getting very old). He feels that since he is never home and I have the car "at my disposal," that he should get the car when he is home, even if it is "my night" (as per our previous arrangement, which I think is beyond ridiculous now that he is not living at home). Therefore, he goes ahead and makes plans with friends, assuming that he can have the car that night, even though he has yet to ask me. There is much more to it than that, and I know that by not explaining it more that I come off as the "bad guy" here, but it is too intricate and long to explain, and like I said, I do not feel like going into detail. I will say this though, my biggest problem with the whole car issue is that he assumes that, if it is my night for the car, that I will give him the car so he can use it (which I usually do), and on the rare occasion that I do not, he gets mad and plays the "It's not fair to me since I'm never home" card because he already made plans based on an assumption.

Every time we fight it is always the same thing (and usually about the same thing). We start out slow, trying not to fight, not blame the other, and talk it out like the adults we (supposedly) are. And each time it fails. He ends up getting mad because he is not getting his way, saying I talk to him like a child; I end up saying that calling me names does not help (nor does it help with trying to talk to him like an adult) and that I am talking to him like an adult, like I would talk to any other adult. And we go back and forth, him pointing out what I did and I point out what he did. In the end, it is both our faults, and I know that, but in the end, I also feel like no matter what I do or say, or how I do or say, I just cannot win. I talk to him like an adult and he says I talk to him like a child. If I try talking to him differently, he has a problem with that. I try to compromise so we can both win (as I did with this latest fight) so that it is fair to both of us, he does not like the compromise because he thinks it is "not fair" to him. I say no, he gets mad at that. Everything I say or do is wrong.  I just can't win with him.

But it is not just when we fight that I feel like this. Apparently, I can't drive well enough for him, I talk too loudly, and I don't eat properly (I eat too fast according to him), among other things. I gave up a long time ago on ever not getting criticism from him in some way, shape, or form. I also gave up a long time ago on ever winning with him, so-to-speak. Nothing I do is right by him, which is fine by me. After all, it is my life and I do not need his approval. But it would be nice to not feel like I am walking on eggshells, that when we fight to know that he is not going to nitpick something. It would be nice to know that I can say something to him without worrying about his reaction, even when we are not fighting. But I know that is impossible because I know that nothing I do or say is going to be good enough for him. It's just how it is. It's just how he is.

I am not saying that the fights are his fault only. They are not, and I know that. We both have tempers, and they tend to be at their worst with each other. Nor am I saying that this is about winning and losing. All I am saying is that, for once, it would be nice to fight and not have him tell me that the fight escalated on his end because of the way I talked to him, or because I was being "unfair" to him, or whatever else he may nitpick. It would be nice to not walk on eggshells with him all the time, and, in a sense, win.