"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
-Dr. Suess
-Dr. Suess
Wise words, Dr. Suess. But as I am sure many of us can attest to, it is always easier said than done. And that is exactly how I am feeling. I am trying to smile, remember what was, the love I gave and received, the good times I had, but at the same time, I cannot help but think that it is now all gone. In one fell swoop, it is over. Ok, maybe not a fell swoop. It was not sudden, in the least. Both of us knew it was coming, were expecting it I guess, but neither wanted to admit it.
What am I referring to, you ask? I am referring to my new occupation as single lady. That's right; my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. It was a mutual decision, one we both put off. I guess we both found the courage to admit it on Thursday night, though. Or rather, we discovered that things with my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend, were more indecisive than what we thought. At least, that I thought.
We talked on Thursday night, and in the course of the conversation, he told me that he would like to join the Israeli army (something I already knew), but that he is thinking of doing so for at least three to four years. Three to four years. Not only that, but he may decide to stay permanently in Israel. However, even if does not stay there forever, but he does do the army as he wants for as long as he wants, that will be a five to six year stay. Five to six years. That is a long time, for both of us. And it is not fair for either one of us to wait, but especially when he has no idea what is going on or how long it is going to be. So, it is over. We decided to end it.
That was last night. I have had almost a whole day to let it sink in, to think and absorb all of this. There are times when I am really fine with it, when I feel it was the best decision. Then there are times, like now, when I think to myself, "What the hell were you thinking? You just let the best thing walk out of your life! Go get him back, doofus!" And then I wonder, "What if I would move to Israel? We could be together, we wouldn't have to break up." But really, not much would change. He would still be unsure of his future, which would mean being unsure of our future, plus I would have moved away from everything--family, friends, my dreams of law school, my life as I know it. And for what? An uncertain future. But at least we would be together.
I do not blame him for leaving. I am happy he has found something he is passionate about and is willing to pursue his dream. I have said this before, here. But here I sit, writing this post because he is there, in Israel, and because of that, I am now writing as a newly single lady. I love him and I will always love him, and maybe when everything is said and done, we will find our way back to each other. But right now we each need to figure out where we are in life and what we are going to do with our lives.
What am I referring to, you ask? I am referring to my new occupation as single lady. That's right; my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. It was a mutual decision, one we both put off. I guess we both found the courage to admit it on Thursday night, though. Or rather, we discovered that things with my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend, were more indecisive than what we thought. At least, that I thought.
We talked on Thursday night, and in the course of the conversation, he told me that he would like to join the Israeli army (something I already knew), but that he is thinking of doing so for at least three to four years. Three to four years. Not only that, but he may decide to stay permanently in Israel. However, even if does not stay there forever, but he does do the army as he wants for as long as he wants, that will be a five to six year stay. Five to six years. That is a long time, for both of us. And it is not fair for either one of us to wait, but especially when he has no idea what is going on or how long it is going to be. So, it is over. We decided to end it.
That was last night. I have had almost a whole day to let it sink in, to think and absorb all of this. There are times when I am really fine with it, when I feel it was the best decision. Then there are times, like now, when I think to myself, "What the hell were you thinking? You just let the best thing walk out of your life! Go get him back, doofus!" And then I wonder, "What if I would move to Israel? We could be together, we wouldn't have to break up." But really, not much would change. He would still be unsure of his future, which would mean being unsure of our future, plus I would have moved away from everything--family, friends, my dreams of law school, my life as I know it. And for what? An uncertain future. But at least we would be together.
I do not blame him for leaving. I am happy he has found something he is passionate about and is willing to pursue his dream. I have said this before, here. But here I sit, writing this post because he is there, in Israel, and because of that, I am now writing as a newly single lady. I love him and I will always love him, and maybe when everything is said and done, we will find our way back to each other. But right now we each need to figure out where we are in life and what we are going to do with our lives.
4 comments:
Wow, that gave me the chills. I think you made the right decision; yet ambivalence is normal. It's really cool of you that you can support his dreams/decisions and it shows how much you really do care about him..
But for now, enjoy being single!! :)
Thanks, Eva. I will definitely enjoy being single, for now. Give people some time to think of guys for me. ;)
Why did that give you the chills?
It was a very hard decision, and although you both knew it was coming, it does not make it any easier. In fact it can make it harder sometimes. I do think you made the right decision and although it will take some getting used to for both of you, it would not be fair to either of you to have a long distance relationship for that long. I know you will always love him and I hope if you are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other soon. I am always here if you need to talk whenever.
I agree with the above statements, sometimes it can be more painful if you put of the innevitable, but eventually it had to be done. I would caution against doing the "what if I went to Israel thing..." because you would be giving up so much as you mentioned, and it will never be the same, he is different, you are different, circumstances are different, and if it is meant to be over, then it will be even more painful to fly half way around the world only to find it out in a different land, without your usual support network. Perhaps, there is somebody even better for you just around the corner, and Hashem had to make sure that your ex, was for sure of the picture first, before he introduced you to your Beshert. Either way, cheer up, the sun will come out tomorrow.
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