My Greatest Adventure (Yet)

Today will mark the beginning of my greatest adventure yet. It is the beginning of many things. I head off to law school today, but not just that; it marks the beginning of my living completely on my own, being completely independent, and being away from home for a long period of time. I will also be in a new city and state, too.

I know this is something I have always dreamed of, but I am not going to lie, I am scared. Terrified, actually. All of these firsts, and I will be completely alone. When I need family and friends with me the most, my first day of law school, I will be alone. But everyone keeps telling me that I am strong, that I can do this, that I can handle it all, and in my good moments, I believe them. In my bad moments, well, that is when I need them the most. But they are only a phone call away. Either way, this is something I need to do for myself. I need to find out if law is right for me, and I need to find out that, as terrifying as it may be, that I can do this.

So, here's to my greatest my adventure, yet.

25 Life Lessons

Yesterday was my twenty-fifth birthday, and as I turn a quarter of century old and prepare for a huge change in my life, I cannot help but think about the life lessons that I will take with me. So, in honor of these major life events, I decided to write about these important life lessons I. I have no doubt that there is a vast amount of lessons yet to be learned, but in the meantime, here are those 25 lessons that I will be taking with me (in no particular order):

1. Be yourself. People will love/like you for who you are.

2. Have confidence and be confident. It shows.

3. Do not be afraid to love, to risk your heart and take a chance. It is one of the scariest things you will ever do, but it can end up being one of the best things ever.

4. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It is better to ask questions and get it right in the end, then to mess up because you were too afraid to ask.

5. New experiences are great, but don't forget that the ones in your past are where you learned most of your lessons.

6. The same can be said for friends. Make new friends, but don't forget the old. They helped you get to where you are today.

7. Speaking of friends... "Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support." Lean on them when you need, be there for them when they need. A true best friend is one of a kind.

8. Take care of yourself, inside and out. It is important, more so than you know.

9. Laugh. Whatever happens in life, do not forget to laugh, including at yourself. "Carry laughter with you wherever you go."

10. Do not forget what your passion is. Follow it, live it.

11. Take responsibility for your actions and words.

12. Forgiveness is not for other person, but yourself. Forgive, but you do not have to forget.

13. You are stronger than you think. Much more so.

14. Work hard. Only you can get what you want.

15. We all make mistakes, we are human. "Mistakes are part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way."

16. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts, and what you believe.

17. Enjoy the simple things in life. They are more beautiful, and most times more fleeting, than you realize.

18. Live in the here and now. The past is gone, and the future is yet to come, but now is already here.

19. Slow down long enough to notice the people and things around you.

20. Do not act like a child, but do be child-like.

21. Time does heal all wounds, so give yourself (and time), time.

22. Find something to believe in.

23. Do not take yourself too seriously. No one else does.

24. If we all threw our problems into one big pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

25. Life is what you make of it, so go out, enjoy it, and make the best of it.

Some Things Never Change

Change is good, as scary as it may be at times, change is good. Yet sometimes, it is nice to see that certain things never change.

My ex, and someone whom I still consider one of my closest friends, came in from Israel last Tuesday. In the time he has been here, we have hung out quite a bit. At first I was worried things would be awkward between us; we have not seen each other in almost a year, nor have we seen each other since before we broke up. Yes, we remained friends and still talk, but seeing each other for the first time in almost a year can be a bit nerve racking, at least for me.

I do not know why I was worried, though. It is almost as if he never left. We still hang out, talk, argue, and even do the same things. He still spends the majority of time on his computer, doing G-d knows what. He still leaves his stuff spread out all over the place, among other things. In other words, he is (basically) still the same man I know, the same man I came to love.

However, some things do change. The obvious one-- we are no longer dating. Another, we are both taking our lives in very different directions. He is going into the Israeli army; I am moving and going to be starting law school. And while we both may essentially be the same people, there are subtle changes. The two that stand out the most for me-- he is more mature, and more focused. So while he is still the same man, he is somewhat different. And I am sure I have changed a bit as well, but for that list, you will have to ask him.

Still, it is nice to know, and see, that while some things do change, there are others that never do.

My Last Hurrah (a.k.a. Niagara Falls)

The second to last weekend in August I went to Niagara Falls, on a vacation with my best friend. We went to the Canadian side (and, according to our shuttle driver, we chose well as there is nothing on the New York side). Months ago, when we were originally discussing taking a vacation, we talked about going to Las Vegas, but we ended up in Niagara Falls because of an event that took place there that weekend.* 

We had an absolute blast! We met some very awesome people, partied like it was 1999, and had a boatload of laughs. It was one of the best vacations I have ever been on. And best of all, my best friend's dream came true--she met her idol. What are the odds that in your lifetime you will get to meet yours? Yeah, exactly. Slim. But she did (and she has the picture to prove it!)! We also saw some great skateboarding tricks, awesome motocross biking, went gambling for the first time (and lost), and of course, saw the beautiful Niagara Falls.

As I begin law school in January and will probably not be going on any vacations for quite awhile, I began declaring this trip "My Last Hurrah." I figure it will be the last time for at least the next three years that I will be able to do anything like it, and I am so glad I was able to do it, and that I had such a great time. Now I can go off to law school without looking back and thinking, "I wish I had done that before I left," because I did, and I have an indefinite amount of memories to carry me through until next time.



*If you want to know what event, look here (and don't judge :-P ).

Movin' on Up

In late December, I will be moving up. Well, moving north to be more exact, but that is up. I will moving in order to go to law school. I will be in Michigan, which is only one state away from my family, but for me, it is more than that. For me it means that not only am I finally realizing my dream of going to law school, but it also means that everything has changed, that everything is changing. And while change is good (for the most part, I believe), it is also scary, and for me, this is very scary.

Believe it or not, I have never lived away from home. In fact, I have never been away from home for more than two weeks. I never went away to school or dormed while in college. I stayed put, mostly out of necessity. Financially, it was out of the question. While I could have gotten loans for it, I did not want to do that. I was already going to have loans from college as it was, plus the loans that I would have for law school and living expenses while there, so taking out more loans just to live on campus or near it did not make sense; it was not practical. So I stayed home. Now, though, moving is a necessity. If I want to go to law school (and I do), I have to go to Michigan. I have no choice. You see, the school where I am going is the only school that accepted me. I do not have a choice of which school to attend, because, trust me, if I did, I would chose to stay home as it is financially more feasible. So I am moving, and for the first time in my life, I will not live at home.

Not only will I not be living at home, but I will be completely on my own in every way possible. Yes, I am a very independent person, pay for just about everything myself, and can take care of myself, but like I said, I have always been at home. There has always been someone there (sometimes to my annoyance). Once I move though, there will be no one, except for maybe a roommate, but that will not be the same. I will not have any family or friends there. I will have no support system there; they will be one state away. I will be totally alone. Yes, I am sure I will make some friends, but it will still not be the same. My home, family, and friends will not be there. I will be on my own.

I am excited and scared at the same time. My life as I know it will be changed forever. There are times when I stop whatever I am doing and just think, "Oh my G-d. I am moving," almost as if it has just hit me (at the rate I am going though, it has hit me about twenty times already). But then there are times where I think, "I'm moving,"as if it as natural as breathing. For me though, just the word "moving" has so much connotation because it means so much change. I have about five months before I have to go, and from now until then I have no doubt that my thoughts will be all over the place, including continuing to alternate between "Oh my G-d, I'm moving" and "I'm moving." In the meantime though, there are things to do, decisions to be made, and plans to make before I can move on up and start my new adventure.

Giving Dating Advice to the Ex

I was sitting outside last Friday afternoon pretending to be interested in the "tricks" my seven year old cousin was doing on her scooter when my text message alert went off. Thinking it could only be one of three people (my mom, brother, or best friend), I took some time digging my phone out of my coat pocket. To my surprise, it was none of those three people. It was my ex saying hi and asking me what I was doing. I responded and asked why. His answer was that he wanted to talk and needed some advice, and asked if he could call later. I said he could call when I got home and that I would let him know when.

Fast forward two hours. We are on the phone, talking. He says he has something to tell me. He lets me know that he is dating someone, and then tells me he needs some advice on that. He went into more detail, told me more about the girl and the situation, and I gave him my thoughts and opinions. We continued to talk for about ten more minutes, then I had to go. (I am not going to go into detail about the dating or advice; it is not my place and you readers do not need to know those details for the rest of this post.)

Anyway, it got me to thinking. Is giving dating advice to an ex a bad idea? Should an ex even ask you for dating advice, or is that a line that should not be crossed? And if the two of you are still friends, is it weird or normal to ask? There is no right or wrong answer. It really depends on the dynamics the two people have as exes, and as friends after the break-up. Yes, it can be awkward, but I choose not think of it that way. I choose to look at it as that we are friends now and that is what friends do--ask advice from each other. In fact, my first thought when finding out he wanted dating advice from me was that he came to me for it. For me, that speaks volumes. It means that not only does he still value me as a friend, but that he trusts me, that I am still someone he can turn to when he needs to talk and needs advice. Not everyone can remain friends with their ex after a break-up, but for those that can, this is the kind of friendship I wish for them.

The Pot Calling the Kettle Black

Last night I was having a conversation with a friend who is in a relationship with a girl, but they each know that it is short term. They know that it will eventually come to an end, and not in a year or so, but rather in a matter of months. I asked, bluntly, "If you know this is going to end soon, then why are you putting yourselves through this?"

As the words came out of my mouth, I realized that I sounded like a hypocrite. A big one. How can I ask him that question when I am doing the same thing with my boyfriend? He's leaving for Israel in July, at which time we will probably break up. Yet, here I am, knowing the end is drawing near, knowing that when this does happen that I am going to heartbroken, and I am still with him.

Many people have asked me over the last three or four months why I have not broken up with him already, knowing that he is leaving. The only answer I have for them is that I cannot. I cannot let go yet; I am not ready to let go. But I do know the longer I am with him, the more attached and involved I am getting, and because of that, it will only hurt me more in the end.

So as I asked my friend why they were doing to themselves and to each other, I knew why, and I felt like a hypocrite for even asking. They care about each other, and have fun together, and are obviously not ready to let go yet. And that I can totally understand.

"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

Easy for you to say, Bobby McFarrin. All you have to do is sing a song and make money from it. (Ok, I know that that in itself is probably very stressful, too.) But in real life, being happy is not always that easy. I was wondering about this, and whether or not worrying is as easy as just not worrying. So, of course, I googled it. And one of the first hits that came up was this ("A Blog for the Anxious"), but more specifically, this post. As I was reading, I sat back and wondered if worrying really is just a choice between choosing to happy and positive or choosing to sit back and wallow.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I know that for myself, sometimes wallowing and worrying is all I can do. In fact, sometimes I want to. Yes, sometimes I actually want to sit and stew in my pity, worry, anger, or whatever it is I may be feeling. At times, it is how I work past a problem or issue. Other times, I have to forget. It's those times that sitting, wallowing, and worrying will only make me feel worse, and if there is nothing I can do about the situation or problem, then sitting and wallowing is especially not going to help. It's at those times where I would love to just "don't worry, be happy."

Roads Taken

There's a famous poem by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken," about a man who comes to a fork in the road and has to choose a path. Left or right? Which way would bring him to place he sought, whatever that might be?

I have a friend who is town for a few weeks (yay!) thanks to the holidays, and tonight, the few of us who are left here in Chicago are going out with her. As I sit here, anticipating the night to come, the laughs, giggles, gossip, and fun, I cannot help but think of that poem, and how different our lives are now, especially considering where we were just four years ago.

Four years ago, we all stood in the same place, looking toward our future, whatever that might be. We were off to college, or, in most cases, to Israel for a year. After that, college. We each stood on the road, and chose our path. For some, it led to college in New York. For others, that path led to college back home.

Four years later, we were back, standing at the fork again, though this time, we were no longer standing together. We were each standing at our respective forks; the forks where the previous path had led us, each on our own. One of us made the decision to join her family in Israel for a year; the other, to stay in New York and either get a job or go to school; for two of us, well, we stayed in our home city, waiting for everyone to return to us. (Don't worry, we got, or are getting jobs.)

We still sit, waiting for those times during the year when our friends will return, and we'll all hang out like old times. But it will never be like old times. While the friendship is still there, it is different. We are different. We are all different people, at different stages of our lives, yet, at the same time, at the exact same stages. Some of us have to work at the friendship a bit more; for some, it's just there, flowing like it always did. But when we're together, it's almost like nothing has changed. But underneath, we all know things have changed, and will keep changing. We have all chosen very different roads over the years, but the one road we have not chosen is to let this friendship go. The one road we hae chosen together over the years is to keep this bond we have, this closeness, the friendship we have forged through the years, depsite what other roads we have chosen or will choose.

The poem by Robert Frost:

The Road Not Taken (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth. Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same. And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

Bowling for Life

As I was bowling with my friends tonight and we were all knocking down pins (or attempting to), I could not help but think how similar bowling was to life. In bowling, the person takes the ball, aims as best they can at the pins, rolls, and lets them fall where they may, hoping for a good roll, and even better, a strike. As a friend was taking her turn, the thought popped into my head that life is very much like that. Sometimes, we have no choice but to pick up the ball, aim it, let it go, and whatever happens, happens. Life is the bowling ball. We can aim, shoot, and then gutter ball. Or, we can get lucky and get a strike. There's no telling what will happen. Once we let it go, it is out of our hands. Granted, there is a certain skill involved in bowling. But I also believe it comes down to luck. Sometimes a horrible bowler gets lucky and knocks down nine pins, but the better bowler gets a gutter ball. Hey, it happens. I saw it happen many times tonight. There are many times in life where we may not have a choice but to play things out this way. It's not the easiest way to play at life, or even at bowling. It can be nerve racking, not knowing what is going to happen. But sometimes, it is the only way to play the game.