My last blog post was me having a mini-meltdown. I seem to be prone to them these days, having them at least once a week. They always come at night, but that is because nights are usually my worst, especially if it is late at night. Since my life these days consists of not going to sleep before 3AM (thank you, law school), I have many of those late nights, and if I am lucky and get completely exhausted, I will have a mini-meltdown. Or even a full-blown meltdown. Either way, I cry my heart (and eyes) out. You lucky readers, got to see one of those meltdowns last night.
I have no doubt that there will be more mini-meltdowns, probably even full-blown ones too, but, unlike in my last post, I know I can survive, and not just the meltdowns, but everything else as well. Yesterday, a friends' friend (who does not know me at all, and in fact, just met me) called me a "strong, stubborn, SOB." The way I figure it, if he can say that about me after just meeting me and only talking with me for an hour, then there must be some truth to it. (My boyfriend was kind enough to concur when I told him.) And since I am a strong, stubborn, SOB, I know I will make it through this. I know we will make it through this (because he is a strong, stubborn SOB as well).
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Making the Right Decision
Last January, I wrote about being at an impasse, what decision was the right one. I just reread that post and realized that not much has changed. The only things that have changed are that I am moving and going to law school, and that he is definitely going into the army. As I read the post, I realized that while I am still torn, maybe more so now, that this time it is different. This time, we are certain of each other, certain that we want to be together, and while I have always dreamed of going to law school, and still do, I also desire to be with him more than anything.
It has been my dream for thirteen years and I am finally going. I cannot give up on that, or postpone it. I have been fighting to get in for two years, and I now that I finally am, I cannot just give up on it. Who knows if I will ever get the chance again. Not to mention, I do not want to become that woman who gives up everything for a man, even if I do love him more than anything; I do not want to lose myself, or my dreams, and I do not want to regret it later in life because that would not be fair to either one of us. Plus, I know he does not want me to give up on or postpone my dream, and sometimes that is the only reason I am still going.
But the dream I have of being with him is a different kind of dream. Every fiber of my being wants to hop on a plane right now and just go there. And in my head, I know how irrational and stupid that would be. It does not make any sense. Even if I hopped on a plane now, he would be in the army in a little over a month and then I would be completely alone, in a foreign country, with no job, support system, anything, and I would barely ever see him (one weekend very three weeks). So what good would it do for me to give up or postpone (almost) everything I have ever wanted? None. Yes, I would get to be with him for a month, but in the end, it would not do anyone any good. At the same time though, I tell myself that while I would barely see him, it is better then never seeing him (he will have leave for one month every year, which is very much like never).
I realized the other day that a big part of my problem is not knowing how long this is going to be. He can do eighteen months in the army, three years, or any amount of time really, depending on what he wants, the unit he gets into, and what the army decides. I also came to the realization that I can handle eighteen months, but two or three years is too much for me. There is no way I can do that. I can say that for certain right now, and I know this is true because I do not just feel this way when I am missing him and miserable. I feel this way when I am feeling better and am optimistic, believing that we can do this, but thinking that I cannot do it for three years. And I know people will say "You'll be in law school and will be busy with that, and time will fly." Yes, time will fly. I am very aware of how quickly time flies. But there is a difference between time flying for eighteen months, and time flying for three years. There is a difference between being able to handle something on a smaller scale and being able to cope with something like this--being away from the person you love, the person you want to be with. Either way, I know I cannot handle three years.
Over the past few days I have come up with a few different ways this can go, and compromises to make this work after eighteen months (at least I think they are compromises, and fairly good ones at that). In one, he is only doing eighteen months in the army, and after that, he comes back here, stays with me while I finish law school. If he really wants to go back to Israel after I am done, then we will go back. In the other scenario, he does three years in the army, and everything is just reversed. I go there after eighteen months (I have not quite figured out the law school aspect of this yet, but I will), he finishes the army, and we can come back to the States so I can finish my law degree. After that, well, we shall see. But those are my solutions (so far). Yes, I am aware of how crazy this sounds, to be planning this now when neither one of us knows what will even happen within the next month. As I said before though, I hate not knowing how long this will be, and knowing I cannot survive it for longer than eighteen months, I need to find some solution, even if it is too early to make those kinds of plans.
Basically, it all boils down to that we are each doing what we have to do, for ourselves. He has to follow his dream; I have to follow mine. I know this. We did this before, and I know we can do it again, but it is not going to be easy. (And the time difference certainly doesn't help either.) But we take it one day at a time, and whatever happens, we will handle. Either way, I know that he is what I want; we both know that we want to be together, and we will both work to make it happen. Just one day at a time, but in the meantime, I just have to keep telling myself (and have others tell me) that I am, that we are, making the right decision.
It has been my dream for thirteen years and I am finally going. I cannot give up on that, or postpone it. I have been fighting to get in for two years, and I now that I finally am, I cannot just give up on it. Who knows if I will ever get the chance again. Not to mention, I do not want to become that woman who gives up everything for a man, even if I do love him more than anything; I do not want to lose myself, or my dreams, and I do not want to regret it later in life because that would not be fair to either one of us. Plus, I know he does not want me to give up on or postpone my dream, and sometimes that is the only reason I am still going.
But the dream I have of being with him is a different kind of dream. Every fiber of my being wants to hop on a plane right now and just go there. And in my head, I know how irrational and stupid that would be. It does not make any sense. Even if I hopped on a plane now, he would be in the army in a little over a month and then I would be completely alone, in a foreign country, with no job, support system, anything, and I would barely ever see him (one weekend very three weeks). So what good would it do for me to give up or postpone (almost) everything I have ever wanted? None. Yes, I would get to be with him for a month, but in the end, it would not do anyone any good. At the same time though, I tell myself that while I would barely see him, it is better then never seeing him (he will have leave for one month every year, which is very much like never).
I realized the other day that a big part of my problem is not knowing how long this is going to be. He can do eighteen months in the army, three years, or any amount of time really, depending on what he wants, the unit he gets into, and what the army decides. I also came to the realization that I can handle eighteen months, but two or three years is too much for me. There is no way I can do that. I can say that for certain right now, and I know this is true because I do not just feel this way when I am missing him and miserable. I feel this way when I am feeling better and am optimistic, believing that we can do this, but thinking that I cannot do it for three years. And I know people will say "You'll be in law school and will be busy with that, and time will fly." Yes, time will fly. I am very aware of how quickly time flies. But there is a difference between time flying for eighteen months, and time flying for three years. There is a difference between being able to handle something on a smaller scale and being able to cope with something like this--being away from the person you love, the person you want to be with. Either way, I know I cannot handle three years.
Over the past few days I have come up with a few different ways this can go, and compromises to make this work after eighteen months (at least I think they are compromises, and fairly good ones at that). In one, he is only doing eighteen months in the army, and after that, he comes back here, stays with me while I finish law school. If he really wants to go back to Israel after I am done, then we will go back. In the other scenario, he does three years in the army, and everything is just reversed. I go there after eighteen months (I have not quite figured out the law school aspect of this yet, but I will), he finishes the army, and we can come back to the States so I can finish my law degree. After that, well, we shall see. But those are my solutions (so far). Yes, I am aware of how crazy this sounds, to be planning this now when neither one of us knows what will even happen within the next month. As I said before though, I hate not knowing how long this will be, and knowing I cannot survive it for longer than eighteen months, I need to find some solution, even if it is too early to make those kinds of plans.
Basically, it all boils down to that we are each doing what we have to do, for ourselves. He has to follow his dream; I have to follow mine. I know this. We did this before, and I know we can do it again, but it is not going to be easy. (And the time difference certainly doesn't help either.) But we take it one day at a time, and whatever happens, we will handle. Either way, I know that he is what I want; we both know that we want to be together, and we will both work to make it happen. Just one day at a time, but in the meantime, I just have to keep telling myself (and have others tell me) that I am, that we are, making the right decision.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Back To Normal
Today, my life returned to normal. Or what I thought was normal. If you had asked me two months ago, normal was going to work, preparing to move, going out with friends a few times a week, sitting at home at night watching TV basically doing whatever needed to be done. I was just going through the motions. Now though, that is no longer the case. In fact, I now realize it never was my normal.
The last two months, my ex, and now current, boyfriend was here visiting. In those two months, I realized that those times in my life without him were never normal. There was something missing. Normal is being with my boyfriend, having him in my life (on a more regular, boyfriend-like basis), talking to him, listening to his endless fountain of information about anything and everything, watching TV shows with him days after they air, and just spending time with him. I realized that that is how my life should be. That is my normal. He may not be here right now, but he is my normal, and always has been. And somewhere, deep down, I always knew that.
The last two months, my ex, and now current, boyfriend was here visiting. In those two months, I realized that those times in my life without him were never normal. There was something missing. Normal is being with my boyfriend, having him in my life (on a more regular, boyfriend-like basis), talking to him, listening to his endless fountain of information about anything and everything, watching TV shows with him days after they air, and just spending time with him. I realized that that is how my life should be. That is my normal. He may not be here right now, but he is my normal, and always has been. And somewhere, deep down, I always knew that.
Friday, December 10, 2010
25 Life Lessons
Yesterday was my twenty-fifth birthday, and as I turn a quarter of century old and prepare for a huge change in my life, I cannot help but think about the life lessons that I will take with me. So, in honor of these major life events, I decided to write about these important life lessons I. I have no doubt that there is a vast amount of lessons yet to be learned, but in the meantime, here are those 25 lessons that I will be taking with me (in no particular order):
1. Be yourself. People will love/like you for who you are.
2. Have confidence and be confident. It shows.
3. Do not be afraid to love, to risk your heart and take a chance. It is one of the scariest things you will ever do, but it can end up being one of the best things ever.
4. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It is better to ask questions and get it right in the end, then to mess up because you were too afraid to ask.
5. New experiences are great, but don't forget that the ones in your past are where you learned most of your lessons.
6. The same can be said for friends. Make new friends, but don't forget the old. They helped you get to where you are today.
7. Speaking of friends... "Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support." Lean on them when you need, be there for them when they need. A true best friend is one of a kind.
8. Take care of yourself, inside and out. It is important, more so than you know.
9. Laugh. Whatever happens in life, do not forget to laugh, including at yourself. "Carry laughter with you wherever you go."
10. Do not forget what your passion is. Follow it, live it.
11. Take responsibility for your actions and words.
12. Forgiveness is not for other person, but yourself. Forgive, but you do not have to forget.
13. You are stronger than you think. Much more so.
14. Work hard. Only you can get what you want.
15. We all make mistakes, we are human. "Mistakes are part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way."
16. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts, and what you believe.
17. Enjoy the simple things in life. They are more beautiful, and most times more fleeting, than you realize.
18. Live in the here and now. The past is gone, and the future is yet to come, but now is already here.
19. Slow down long enough to notice the people and things around you.
20. Do not act like a child, but do be child-like.
21. Time does heal all wounds, so give yourself (and time), time.
22. Find something to believe in.
23. Do not take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
24. If we all threw our problems into one big pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
25. Life is what you make of it, so go out, enjoy it, and make the best of it.
1. Be yourself. People will love/like you for who you are.
2. Have confidence and be confident. It shows.
3. Do not be afraid to love, to risk your heart and take a chance. It is one of the scariest things you will ever do, but it can end up being one of the best things ever.
4. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It is better to ask questions and get it right in the end, then to mess up because you were too afraid to ask.
5. New experiences are great, but don't forget that the ones in your past are where you learned most of your lessons.
6. The same can be said for friends. Make new friends, but don't forget the old. They helped you get to where you are today.
7. Speaking of friends... "Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support." Lean on them when you need, be there for them when they need. A true best friend is one of a kind.
8. Take care of yourself, inside and out. It is important, more so than you know.
9. Laugh. Whatever happens in life, do not forget to laugh, including at yourself. "Carry laughter with you wherever you go."
10. Do not forget what your passion is. Follow it, live it.
11. Take responsibility for your actions and words.
12. Forgiveness is not for other person, but yourself. Forgive, but you do not have to forget.
13. You are stronger than you think. Much more so.
14. Work hard. Only you can get what you want.
15. We all make mistakes, we are human. "Mistakes are part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way."
16. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts, and what you believe.
17. Enjoy the simple things in life. They are more beautiful, and most times more fleeting, than you realize.
18. Live in the here and now. The past is gone, and the future is yet to come, but now is already here.
19. Slow down long enough to notice the people and things around you.
20. Do not act like a child, but do be child-like.
21. Time does heal all wounds, so give yourself (and time), time.
22. Find something to believe in.
23. Do not take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
24. If we all threw our problems into one big pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
25. Life is what you make of it, so go out, enjoy it, and make the best of it.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Some Things Never Change
Change is good, as scary as it may be at times, change is good. Yet sometimes, it is nice to see that certain things never change.
My ex, and someone whom I still consider one of my closest friends, came in from Israel last Tuesday. In the time he has been here, we have hung out quite a bit. At first I was worried things would be awkward between us; we have not seen each other in almost a year, nor have we seen each other since before we broke up. Yes, we remained friends and still talk, but seeing each other for the first time in almost a year can be a bit nerve racking, at least for me.
I do not know why I was worried, though. It is almost as if he never left. We still hang out, talk, argue, and even do the same things. He still spends the majority of time on his computer, doing G-d knows what. He still leaves his stuff spread out all over the place, among other things. In other words, he is (basically) still the same man I know, the same man I came to love.
However, some things do change. The obvious one-- we are no longer dating. Another, we are both taking our lives in very different directions. He is going into the Israeli army; I am moving and going to be starting law school. And while we both may essentially be the same people, there are subtle changes. The two that stand out the most for me-- he is more mature, and more focused. So while he is still the same man, he is somewhat different. And I am sure I have changed a bit as well, but for that list, you will have to ask him.
Still, it is nice to know, and see, that while some things do change, there are others that never do.
My ex, and someone whom I still consider one of my closest friends, came in from Israel last Tuesday. In the time he has been here, we have hung out quite a bit. At first I was worried things would be awkward between us; we have not seen each other in almost a year, nor have we seen each other since before we broke up. Yes, we remained friends and still talk, but seeing each other for the first time in almost a year can be a bit nerve racking, at least for me.
I do not know why I was worried, though. It is almost as if he never left. We still hang out, talk, argue, and even do the same things. He still spends the majority of time on his computer, doing G-d knows what. He still leaves his stuff spread out all over the place, among other things. In other words, he is (basically) still the same man I know, the same man I came to love.
However, some things do change. The obvious one-- we are no longer dating. Another, we are both taking our lives in very different directions. He is going into the Israeli army; I am moving and going to be starting law school. And while we both may essentially be the same people, there are subtle changes. The two that stand out the most for me-- he is more mature, and more focused. So while he is still the same man, he is somewhat different. And I am sure I have changed a bit as well, but for that list, you will have to ask him.
Still, it is nice to know, and see, that while some things do change, there are others that never do.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Questioning My Sanity
Do you ever look back on something you did or said and think, "What the hell was I thinking?!" I did that a few times today. Every time I thought about this* post I thought that. Mostly, I thought about what my ex would think if and when he read it. That is when I would think "What the hell was I thinking?!" I worried that once he read it that things would change between us, that it would freak him out and make him rethink the friendship, which is not what I want. I still want to be friends with him.
But I worried, wondered why I thought it was a good idea to post it, and thought about taking it down. Then I realized that no matter what happens with him and our friendship, I wrote that for me. I wrote it because I needed to get it out, organize my thoughts and feelings, and sort through all of it. I would have still accomplished that even if I took it down, but doing so would not be keeping true to myself. I am not sure if I can explain it, but no matter what happens, that post needs to stay up. I need to have it up there for me. So up there it remains.
*For those that read the post before, yes, I did edit it and take some things out. I feel they no longer need to be there. They were there in the first place for myself, but I no longer need it all posted.
But I worried, wondered why I thought it was a good idea to post it, and thought about taking it down. Then I realized that no matter what happens with him and our friendship, I wrote that for me. I wrote it because I needed to get it out, organize my thoughts and feelings, and sort through all of it. I would have still accomplished that even if I took it down, but doing so would not be keeping true to myself. I am not sure if I can explain it, but no matter what happens, that post needs to stay up. I need to have it up there for me. So up there it remains.
*For those that read the post before, yes, I did edit it and take some things out. I feel they no longer need to be there. They were there in the first place for myself, but I no longer need it all posted.
A New Day
In the hour and a half since my last post, a new day has arrived, in more ways than one for me though. In that time, I have had a tremendous turnaround. I went from feeling shitty, hurt, and lost, to great, hopeful, and found. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and in fact, in a way, it has. By getting everything down, sorting through it, and organizing my thoughts, I was able to see things more clearly. It was as if I needed to write it down and blog about it in order to move past it.
What I really needed though was to not carry it around inside of me anymore. And I no longer am. I feel as if I set myself free, and that is exactly what I did. While I had talked about it before with some friends, I did not tell them everything. I had trouble saying it all out loud. But I was able to blog about all of it, and that made all the difference. I now know that I can move forward, that I will be able to move forward, heal, and get on with my life. And that is exactly what I am going to do.
What I really needed though was to not carry it around inside of me anymore. And I no longer am. I feel as if I set myself free, and that is exactly what I did. While I had talked about it before with some friends, I did not tell them everything. I had trouble saying it all out loud. But I was able to blog about all of it, and that made all the difference. I now know that I can move forward, that I will be able to move forward, heal, and get on with my life. And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Coming to America
In October, my ex is coming back for a month-long visit, and for a friend's wedding. By then, it will have been almost a year and half since he has left, and almost a year since I will have seen him. I am excited, very excited to see him, for while he may not be my boyfriend anymore, I still consider him a very good friend, and it will be great to see my friend.
But I am scared as well. I am scared that everything that I have worked on for months, healing, getting over, and moving on will be gone the instant I see him. And I do not want that. I do not need to be confronted with feelings and emotions so strong that I do not know what to do with them, things I know I can do nothing about. Not to mention I do not want to do that to him, either. But it is going to be hard.
Truth be told though, these feelings have already come up and I have to be honest with myself. I thought I was doing fine, but in the last weeks, I realized I am still in love with him, which really sucks for me since I seem to be the only one. He is seeing someone else now, and I am doing my damn best to move on. But it is hard, and it hurts. Sometimes, I wish I could hate him, or I wish that the relationship ended badly so I would be able to get over it more quickly, more easily. That is not the case though, and honestly, though I may say I wish it were, I do not want that because then we would never be friends, and that I definitely do not want. I am just not sure I can be friends with him right now. It may have worked and been okay for the last five months since we broke up, but I am not sure I can handle it right now. Also, since I am going to see him in four months, it is best that I am past all of this by then as I greatly value our friendship and would not want anything to change it.
Sometimes, I think it would be easier to deal with all of this if I had someone else, if I was dating another man. Then, I would have him, someone else I am into, focused on, enamored with, and my ex will be just that, my ex. But then I wonder if even having another man will help. I mean, my ex was a huge part of my life, and I loved him. I still do. I always will, and that makes me wonder if I will ever truly be over him. But life goes on, and so will I.
(I know he occasionally reads my blog, so if you are reading this, I am sorry. I do not mean to make this hard for you or to put you in a difficult position; that is the last thing I want, but this is my blog, and I need to say this for me. I hope it doesn't make things weird between us, though.)
But I am scared as well. I am scared that everything that I have worked on for months, healing, getting over, and moving on will be gone the instant I see him. And I do not want that. I do not need to be confronted with feelings and emotions so strong that I do not know what to do with them, things I know I can do nothing about. Not to mention I do not want to do that to him, either. But it is going to be hard.
Truth be told though, these feelings have already come up and I have to be honest with myself. I thought I was doing fine, but in the last weeks, I realized I am still in love with him, which really sucks for me since I seem to be the only one. He is seeing someone else now, and I am doing my damn best to move on. But it is hard, and it hurts. Sometimes, I wish I could hate him, or I wish that the relationship ended badly so I would be able to get over it more quickly, more easily. That is not the case though, and honestly, though I may say I wish it were, I do not want that because then we would never be friends, and that I definitely do not want. I am just not sure I can be friends with him right now. It may have worked and been okay for the last five months since we broke up, but I am not sure I can handle it right now. Also, since I am going to see him in four months, it is best that I am past all of this by then as I greatly value our friendship and would not want anything to change it.
Sometimes, I think it would be easier to deal with all of this if I had someone else, if I was dating another man. Then, I would have him, someone else I am into, focused on, enamored with, and my ex will be just that, my ex. But then I wonder if even having another man will help. I mean, my ex was a huge part of my life, and I loved him. I still do. I always will, and that makes me wonder if I will ever truly be over him. But life goes on, and so will I.
(I know he occasionally reads my blog, so if you are reading this, I am sorry. I do not mean to make this hard for you or to put you in a difficult position; that is the last thing I want, but this is my blog, and I need to say this for me. I hope it doesn't make things weird between us, though.)
Friday, June 18, 2010
Meeting Someone
Since my ex and I broke up he has had three dates (one was a short relationship). I have had none. I do not mention this because I think of it as a competition; I mention it because I am finding it very hard to meet someone. I got lucky with the last two men I dated. In fact, I think of my last two relationship as flukes of some sort. I never intended to meet the two men and date them, but it just happened. I guess you can say I had some good luck and everything sort of fell into my lap.
Now though, I don't know. I have a gut feeling that as easy as those two were to find, this next one, whomever he may be, is going be just as hard (and my gut is always right). This is not because I am picky, or snobby, or anything of the sort. I am not. Yes, I have standards, everyone does, but I do not have an insane amount of criteria, or insane criteria itself, that needs to be met. I just want a nice, Jewish guy who is meant for me. He is out there. I know it. I just find it ironic that in this day and age, where we have so many ways of meeting someone (the internet, mixers, events, friends, etc.), that I am having a hard time doing so.
I do not want to rush anything, though. I am in no way anxious to get married and settle down. But I do want that someone special, and sometimes I cannot help but wonder if he has already passed me by. Not necessarily one of my exes, but maybe someone I knew or already know. I am happy being single, but like most other singles, I want love in my life. Maybe I should just do what I have done before and not look. It seemed to work out well the last two times.
Now though, I don't know. I have a gut feeling that as easy as those two were to find, this next one, whomever he may be, is going be just as hard (and my gut is always right). This is not because I am picky, or snobby, or anything of the sort. I am not. Yes, I have standards, everyone does, but I do not have an insane amount of criteria, or insane criteria itself, that needs to be met. I just want a nice, Jewish guy who is meant for me. He is out there. I know it. I just find it ironic that in this day and age, where we have so many ways of meeting someone (the internet, mixers, events, friends, etc.), that I am having a hard time doing so.
I do not want to rush anything, though. I am in no way anxious to get married and settle down. But I do want that someone special, and sometimes I cannot help but wonder if he has already passed me by. Not necessarily one of my exes, but maybe someone I knew or already know. I am happy being single, but like most other singles, I want love in my life. Maybe I should just do what I have done before and not look. It seemed to work out well the last two times.
When Your Stomach Drops
You know the feeling I am referring to- the feeling where everything inside just seems to fall downward. I do not get those moments often, but over the past three or four months I have gotten it more than I would like. I get this feeling whenever my ex tells me he is going on a date or dating someone. The first time he told me, I felt like I was on a roller coaster, when you go down a high drop and your stomach feels like it is dropping with you. Yeah, that is how I felt the first time. It does not hurt to know that he is dating, but for some reason, my stomach just drops when he tells me.
Ok, maybe I do know why. Yes, it is hard to see your ex move on, but what I seem to be struggling with is the image that he is with someone else. It is hard for me to picture anyone else with him but myself. The image of us is still stuck in my head, and it is not because I am jealous, angry, or anything else. It is because when you date someone for two years, you get so used to the image and the idea of the two of you together, that it becomes hard to picture him with anyone else. And who knows, maybe it is hard for him to picture me with someone else. I cannot even picture myself with someone else, yet.
The feeling seems to be fading though, little by little. The more he tells me that he has dates, the less my stomach drops. While I have no idea what these girls look like, it is the image that I am getting used to: him with another girl. However, I cannot wait for the day when my stomach does not drop at all.
Ok, maybe I do know why. Yes, it is hard to see your ex move on, but what I seem to be struggling with is the image that he is with someone else. It is hard for me to picture anyone else with him but myself. The image of us is still stuck in my head, and it is not because I am jealous, angry, or anything else. It is because when you date someone for two years, you get so used to the image and the idea of the two of you together, that it becomes hard to picture him with anyone else. And who knows, maybe it is hard for him to picture me with someone else. I cannot even picture myself with someone else, yet.
The feeling seems to be fading though, little by little. The more he tells me that he has dates, the less my stomach drops. While I have no idea what these girls look like, it is the image that I am getting used to: him with another girl. However, I cannot wait for the day when my stomach does not drop at all.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
The Husband Store
A brand new department store has just opened in New York City that sells husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the following instructions:
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the following instructions:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you go up. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.
One day a woman goes into the store and rather nervously starts climbing the stairs.
When she gets to the 1st floor a sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs.
She thinks, "I can do better than that" and keeps going up.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have jobs and love kids.
But she goes up another floor.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5: These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help withthe housework and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.
*I wish I could take credit for this, but I cannot. I found this while reading another blog. It can be found here.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Giving Dating Advice to the Ex
I was sitting outside last Friday afternoon pretending to be interested in the "tricks" my seven year old cousin was doing on her scooter when my text message alert went off. Thinking it could only be one of three people (my mom, brother, or best friend), I took some time digging my phone out of my coat pocket. To my surprise, it was none of those three people. It was my ex saying hi and asking me what I was doing. I responded and asked why. His answer was that he wanted to talk and needed some advice, and asked if he could call later. I said he could call when I got home and that I would let him know when.
Fast forward two hours. We are on the phone, talking. He says he has something to tell me. He lets me know that he is dating someone, and then tells me he needs some advice on that. He went into more detail, told me more about the girl and the situation, and I gave him my thoughts and opinions. We continued to talk for about ten more minutes, then I had to go. (I am not going to go into detail about the dating or advice; it is not my place and you readers do not need to know those details for the rest of this post.)
Anyway, it got me to thinking. Is giving dating advice to an ex a bad idea? Should an ex even ask you for dating advice, or is that a line that should not be crossed? And if the two of you are still friends, is it weird or normal to ask? There is no right or wrong answer. It really depends on the dynamics the two people have as exes, and as friends after the break-up. Yes, it can be awkward, but I choose not think of it that way. I choose to look at it as that we are friends now and that is what friends do--ask advice from each other. In fact, my first thought when finding out he wanted dating advice from me was that he came to me for it. For me, that speaks volumes. It means that not only does he still value me as a friend, but that he trusts me, that I am still someone he can turn to when he needs to talk and needs advice. Not everyone can remain friends with their ex after a break-up, but for those that can, this is the kind of friendship I wish for them.
Fast forward two hours. We are on the phone, talking. He says he has something to tell me. He lets me know that he is dating someone, and then tells me he needs some advice on that. He went into more detail, told me more about the girl and the situation, and I gave him my thoughts and opinions. We continued to talk for about ten more minutes, then I had to go. (I am not going to go into detail about the dating or advice; it is not my place and you readers do not need to know those details for the rest of this post.)
Anyway, it got me to thinking. Is giving dating advice to an ex a bad idea? Should an ex even ask you for dating advice, or is that a line that should not be crossed? And if the two of you are still friends, is it weird or normal to ask? There is no right or wrong answer. It really depends on the dynamics the two people have as exes, and as friends after the break-up. Yes, it can be awkward, but I choose not think of it that way. I choose to look at it as that we are friends now and that is what friends do--ask advice from each other. In fact, my first thought when finding out he wanted dating advice from me was that he came to me for it. For me, that speaks volumes. It means that not only does he still value me as a friend, but that he trusts me, that I am still someone he can turn to when he needs to talk and needs advice. Not everyone can remain friends with their ex after a break-up, but for those that can, this is the kind of friendship I wish for them.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Moving On Again
Moving on after a breakup is not easy, at all. A person needs time to heal, mend his or her heart, and adjust. Some people are able to move on after a short period; some are not. And some try to move on before they are ready, sometimes without realizing that they are not ready.
That is what I did. I let myself heal and adjust a bit, and then I tried moving on. I started looking for the next guy. I asked friends if they knew of anyone for me, and when I came up empty, I joined a few Jewish dating sites. I met and talked to some guys, most of whom are really very nice, sweet men that I enjoyed talking to. But...(There is always a "but" isn't there?)
But I kept going back to him. My ex. I thought of him when talking to those guys, compared them to him. I could not help but go back to him, and it bothered me, really bothered me. Maybe it is normal, but I cannot help but wonder, why do I keep thinking of him? Does this mean that I have not moved on? Am I not over him like I thought? Am I not ready to move on?
I am ready to move on. I know I am. But maybe I am not quite over him yet, which is normal. Yes, it is better than it was, but not complete. We were together for two years; if I got over him so quickly then either the relationship was not as good as I thought, I did not love him as much as I thought, or else there is something wrong with me. But I know that none of those are the case. Yet, there is a part of me that feels that the only way I will completely move on and get over him is to actually move on, to be in another relationship. In other words, maybe I need a "rebound."
That is what I did. I let myself heal and adjust a bit, and then I tried moving on. I started looking for the next guy. I asked friends if they knew of anyone for me, and when I came up empty, I joined a few Jewish dating sites. I met and talked to some guys, most of whom are really very nice, sweet men that I enjoyed talking to. But...(There is always a "but" isn't there?)
But I kept going back to him. My ex. I thought of him when talking to those guys, compared them to him. I could not help but go back to him, and it bothered me, really bothered me. Maybe it is normal, but I cannot help but wonder, why do I keep thinking of him? Does this mean that I have not moved on? Am I not over him like I thought? Am I not ready to move on?
I am ready to move on. I know I am. But maybe I am not quite over him yet, which is normal. Yes, it is better than it was, but not complete. We were together for two years; if I got over him so quickly then either the relationship was not as good as I thought, I did not love him as much as I thought, or else there is something wrong with me. But I know that none of those are the case. Yet, there is a part of me that feels that the only way I will completely move on and get over him is to actually move on, to be in another relationship. In other words, maybe I need a "rebound."
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Let's Play A Game
A blogger friend of mine recently wrote a post about how women think, as in how they operate in a relationship. In it, she describes a typical scenario of a woman asking her man if she looks fat in a dress, and of course, the man giving the "wrong" answer. The scenario might have been exaggerated a bit, but the point definitely came across. As I read the blog, commented, and read the follow up comments, I was thinking about relationships and the mind games both sides play while in one.
Games are all about testing each other. I read an article* recently about the mind games women play. In it, the author (a man) states, "So why do women indulge in these silly mind games? Well, for one thing, they're women. And women think and react with their emotions -- at least more than men do, in general. But it's really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship." Yes, we are women (thanks for pointing that out); yes, women are mostly guided by their emotions and definitely more so than men are; and yes, we do play mind games to test men. However, it is not done out of a desire for control.**
For women, it is about testing the strength of the relationship. IF a woman does something like that, it is because she wants her man to know, without her having to tell him, certain things. It is done out of desire to know whether or not our man truly knows us, whether he understand us on a deeper level. For women, it shows that he pays attention, that he cares, and like I said, that he understands his woman as an individual. And we want them to know this without having to tell them, because, well, if he truly knows, then we would not have to tell him, right?
WRONG. As a woman who was recently in a two year relationship, I tried not do that to my ex very much (at least I hope not, though he can attest to that, but I did try not to), there were certain times I did hint at things and see if he caught on. But I quickly learned that men are not mind readers, and, as much as we would like them to be, they only know as much as we tell them. And no, most men cannot read between the lines when women speak. If you want him to know something, you have to tell him. Sometimes repeatedly. (Men, take note: Having us repeat something to you more than two or three times will piss us off.)
Relationships are complicated enough. Do not make them more complicated by expecting men to just know things and read between the lines. Communication is key to a successful, healthy, and happy relationship, especially honest and effective communication, and like I said, expecting people to be mind readers is not going to help. If there was one thing I learned in my relationship, it was that.
*For those that read the article, please note that the author is not quite correct in all his statements. Some are overly exaggerated, and others are just wrong, though some are correct. (He really should have consulted some women on this before writing.)
**Please also note that I do not speak for all women. These are my feelings and thoughts, and though I do think that some, if not most, women would agree, I do not assume that all women are like this and feel this way.
Games are all about testing each other. I read an article* recently about the mind games women play. In it, the author (a man) states, "So why do women indulge in these silly mind games? Well, for one thing, they're women. And women think and react with their emotions -- at least more than men do, in general. But it's really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship." Yes, we are women (thanks for pointing that out); yes, women are mostly guided by their emotions and definitely more so than men are; and yes, we do play mind games to test men. However, it is not done out of a desire for control.**
For women, it is about testing the strength of the relationship. IF a woman does something like that, it is because she wants her man to know, without her having to tell him, certain things. It is done out of desire to know whether or not our man truly knows us, whether he understand us on a deeper level. For women, it shows that he pays attention, that he cares, and like I said, that he understands his woman as an individual. And we want them to know this without having to tell them, because, well, if he truly knows, then we would not have to tell him, right?
WRONG. As a woman who was recently in a two year relationship, I tried not do that to my ex very much (at least I hope not, though he can attest to that, but I did try not to), there were certain times I did hint at things and see if he caught on. But I quickly learned that men are not mind readers, and, as much as we would like them to be, they only know as much as we tell them. And no, most men cannot read between the lines when women speak. If you want him to know something, you have to tell him. Sometimes repeatedly. (Men, take note: Having us repeat something to you more than two or three times will piss us off.)
Relationships are complicated enough. Do not make them more complicated by expecting men to just know things and read between the lines. Communication is key to a successful, healthy, and happy relationship, especially honest and effective communication, and like I said, expecting people to be mind readers is not going to help. If there was one thing I learned in my relationship, it was that.
*For those that read the article, please note that the author is not quite correct in all his statements. Some are overly exaggerated, and others are just wrong, though some are correct. (He really should have consulted some women on this before writing.)
**Please also note that I do not speak for all women. These are my feelings and thoughts, and though I do think that some, if not most, women would agree, I do not assume that all women are like this and feel this way.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
What Hurts The Most
In the twenty-fours hours plus since my relationship ended, I have been doing quite a lot of thinking. I realized that while yes, breaking up is extremely heartbreaking, that for me, right now, what hurts the most is that my hopes for a future with him are gone. The last time we broke up, about six months ago, I still had that hope. At that time he had not already decided to stay, so my hope that he would come back in a few years and that we could have a future then were still there. But now, now he is staying, and my hopes for a future are dashed. I no longer have even that shred of hope to hang onto, and unless one of us changes our minds (which is very unlikely), I will not even have that hope later on. That is what hurts the most. I think that is what I am grieving for most of all.
The Call
At 2:30 this afternoon my phone rang. It was him. I knew it before I even looked at the caller ID. (I am not a psychic; he has his own ringtone on my phone, so as soon as I heard it, I knew.) He was calling. A million things ran through my head as I scrambled to answer the phone and pause the music that was playing on my computer. "Why was he calling? Should I answer? Isn't it too soon? What am I going to say?" along with many more thoughts and questions.
I answered, and the first thing I thought that it was so good to hear his voice. He asked me how I was doing, and for a split second, I considered lying, saying that I was fine, doing well. I knew he would see right through that though, but more importantly, I did not want to lie. So, I told him that I had been better, but that I knew I would be okay. He said he was feeling the same. I asked him if we made a mistake. I know we did not, but I needed to hear him say that. I needed to know that he felt it was right also. And he did. He told me exactly what I needed to hear, from the exact person I needed to say it.
And then we talked. Just talked, as if nothing had changed. But it had changed, and we both knew it. Yet, we were still able to talk, to carry on a conversation like we had before, without anything being weird or awkward. We talked for fifteen minutes, and then I had to go. But when I hung up the phone, I did so feeling better about everything. I knew then that we would remain friends, that we would not just fall out of touch and as if the past two years had not happened. Yes, it still hurts, but it is not as sharp. After that phone call, I not only knew that we would remain friends, but I also knew that despite how much it hurts at times, that I will be fine, and so will he.
I answered, and the first thing I thought that it was so good to hear his voice. He asked me how I was doing, and for a split second, I considered lying, saying that I was fine, doing well. I knew he would see right through that though, but more importantly, I did not want to lie. So, I told him that I had been better, but that I knew I would be okay. He said he was feeling the same. I asked him if we made a mistake. I know we did not, but I needed to hear him say that. I needed to know that he felt it was right also. And he did. He told me exactly what I needed to hear, from the exact person I needed to say it.
And then we talked. Just talked, as if nothing had changed. But it had changed, and we both knew it. Yet, we were still able to talk, to carry on a conversation like we had before, without anything being weird or awkward. We talked for fifteen minutes, and then I had to go. But when I hung up the phone, I did so feeling better about everything. I knew then that we would remain friends, that we would not just fall out of touch and as if the past two years had not happened. Yes, it still hurts, but it is not as sharp. After that phone call, I not only knew that we would remain friends, but I also knew that despite how much it hurts at times, that I will be fine, and so will he.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Pillow
Before my now ex-boyfriend left for Israel, I made him give me a pillow of his. It is a blue bean bag pillow, one he used all the time, that he absolutely loved. And I made him give it to me. I wanted something of his that he loved and used all the time. In fact, before he left, I took just about anything he offered me that he was trying to get rid of. I have two stuffed animals (monkeys), a computer bag that he used all the time, an Israeli army or navy flag (I do not remember which), and a bunch of other random things, including the pillow. I took it all. Why? Because they were his. The last bits I would have of his; the last bit I would have left of him.
However, of all the things that I took from him, the pillow is the one that means the most to me. Maybe that is because it meant so much to him, because he loved it so much. I used to sleep with it all the time. Literally, all the time, for months. And then one night, as I was going to bed, I decided not to. I wanted to, very much so, but I decided that doing so would just make letting him go harder. It was already making it harder. It was a reminder on a daily and nightly basis that he is no longer here. So I put the pillow away.
I placed it on one of my nightstands, right next to my bed. It has sat there ever since. I cannot make myself move it, to put it away. I thought of mailing it to him in Israel, but could not bring myself to do that either. I also thought of bringing it with me when I would go to visit and give it back to him then. But I cannot, and would not, be able to do that either. I cannot let go of that pillow. That pillow will be with me forever, as will the computer bag and stuffed monkeys. I may have to let him go, but I do not have to let those go.
However, of all the things that I took from him, the pillow is the one that means the most to me. Maybe that is because it meant so much to him, because he loved it so much. I used to sleep with it all the time. Literally, all the time, for months. And then one night, as I was going to bed, I decided not to. I wanted to, very much so, but I decided that doing so would just make letting him go harder. It was already making it harder. It was a reminder on a daily and nightly basis that he is no longer here. So I put the pillow away.
I placed it on one of my nightstands, right next to my bed. It has sat there ever since. I cannot make myself move it, to put it away. I thought of mailing it to him in Israel, but could not bring myself to do that either. I also thought of bringing it with me when I would go to visit and give it back to him then. But I cannot, and would not, be able to do that either. I cannot let go of that pillow. That pillow will be with me forever, as will the computer bag and stuffed monkeys. I may have to let him go, but I do not have to let those go.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Moving On
It has been a little over a week since my boyfriend and I broke up, and while I am doing fine, there are times I am not. There are times I really miss him, even if he is not here. I miss knowing that he was mine, that he was there for me if I needed it, having that someone special to talk to, though he is 7,000 miles away. Those times when I miss him I think about what he is doing now, following his dream, living a whole other life I am no longer a part of, a life I can no longer touch or see. A life in which he is truly happy.
Then I wonder, "Is he being happy with someone else? Is there someone else (yet)?" As I think that, I also pray that there is not. While I want him to be happy, to live his life in a way that makes him happy, I do not want him to do so with another girl. With me, fine, great even. But I do not want him being with anyone else. It reminds me of the saying, "If I can't have him, no one else can!" And better yet, I hope, pray, that he thinking the same thing as me. That the thought of me being with someone else just turns his stomach and makes his heart ache.
A friend has told me a few time that my ex is a "serial monogamist." I'm not sure this is completely true, but it does make sense. He has had a series of monogamous relationships, some of them one right after another, but not all of them have been short term (as the link suggests). To me, he does not go out looking for them. They just tend to fall right into his lap (as I did). And I'm worried that is what is going to happen to him in Israel. That he will not be looking for one, but it will just happen, and in a short period of time as well. I do not want that, at all. To be honest, I want him to pine over me the way I do over him at times.
However, I know this is not realistic. I know that we will both move on, find other people, and continue to be happy in whatever life brings us. I just hope to G-d that I do it first.
Then I wonder, "Is he being happy with someone else? Is there someone else (yet)?" As I think that, I also pray that there is not. While I want him to be happy, to live his life in a way that makes him happy, I do not want him to do so with another girl. With me, fine, great even. But I do not want him being with anyone else. It reminds me of the saying, "If I can't have him, no one else can!" And better yet, I hope, pray, that he thinking the same thing as me. That the thought of me being with someone else just turns his stomach and makes his heart ache.
A friend has told me a few time that my ex is a "serial monogamist." I'm not sure this is completely true, but it does make sense. He has had a series of monogamous relationships, some of them one right after another, but not all of them have been short term (as the link suggests). To me, he does not go out looking for them. They just tend to fall right into his lap (as I did). And I'm worried that is what is going to happen to him in Israel. That he will not be looking for one, but it will just happen, and in a short period of time as well. I do not want that, at all. To be honest, I want him to pine over me the way I do over him at times.
However, I know this is not realistic. I know that we will both move on, find other people, and continue to be happy in whatever life brings us. I just hope to G-d that I do it first.
Friday, September 04, 2009
I Love You, It's Over
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
-Dr. Suess
-Dr. Suess
Wise words, Dr. Suess. But as I am sure many of us can attest to, it is always easier said than done. And that is exactly how I am feeling. I am trying to smile, remember what was, the love I gave and received, the good times I had, but at the same time, I cannot help but think that it is now all gone. In one fell swoop, it is over. Ok, maybe not a fell swoop. It was not sudden, in the least. Both of us knew it was coming, were expecting it I guess, but neither wanted to admit it.
What am I referring to, you ask? I am referring to my new occupation as single lady. That's right; my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. It was a mutual decision, one we both put off. I guess we both found the courage to admit it on Thursday night, though. Or rather, we discovered that things with my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend, were more indecisive than what we thought. At least, that I thought.
We talked on Thursday night, and in the course of the conversation, he told me that he would like to join the Israeli army (something I already knew), but that he is thinking of doing so for at least three to four years. Three to four years. Not only that, but he may decide to stay permanently in Israel. However, even if does not stay there forever, but he does do the army as he wants for as long as he wants, that will be a five to six year stay. Five to six years. That is a long time, for both of us. And it is not fair for either one of us to wait, but especially when he has no idea what is going on or how long it is going to be. So, it is over. We decided to end it.
That was last night. I have had almost a whole day to let it sink in, to think and absorb all of this. There are times when I am really fine with it, when I feel it was the best decision. Then there are times, like now, when I think to myself, "What the hell were you thinking? You just let the best thing walk out of your life! Go get him back, doofus!" And then I wonder, "What if I would move to Israel? We could be together, we wouldn't have to break up." But really, not much would change. He would still be unsure of his future, which would mean being unsure of our future, plus I would have moved away from everything--family, friends, my dreams of law school, my life as I know it. And for what? An uncertain future. But at least we would be together.
I do not blame him for leaving. I am happy he has found something he is passionate about and is willing to pursue his dream. I have said this before, here. But here I sit, writing this post because he is there, in Israel, and because of that, I am now writing as a newly single lady. I love him and I will always love him, and maybe when everything is said and done, we will find our way back to each other. But right now we each need to figure out where we are in life and what we are going to do with our lives.
What am I referring to, you ask? I am referring to my new occupation as single lady. That's right; my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. It was a mutual decision, one we both put off. I guess we both found the courage to admit it on Thursday night, though. Or rather, we discovered that things with my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend, were more indecisive than what we thought. At least, that I thought.
We talked on Thursday night, and in the course of the conversation, he told me that he would like to join the Israeli army (something I already knew), but that he is thinking of doing so for at least three to four years. Three to four years. Not only that, but he may decide to stay permanently in Israel. However, even if does not stay there forever, but he does do the army as he wants for as long as he wants, that will be a five to six year stay. Five to six years. That is a long time, for both of us. And it is not fair for either one of us to wait, but especially when he has no idea what is going on or how long it is going to be. So, it is over. We decided to end it.
That was last night. I have had almost a whole day to let it sink in, to think and absorb all of this. There are times when I am really fine with it, when I feel it was the best decision. Then there are times, like now, when I think to myself, "What the hell were you thinking? You just let the best thing walk out of your life! Go get him back, doofus!" And then I wonder, "What if I would move to Israel? We could be together, we wouldn't have to break up." But really, not much would change. He would still be unsure of his future, which would mean being unsure of our future, plus I would have moved away from everything--family, friends, my dreams of law school, my life as I know it. And for what? An uncertain future. But at least we would be together.
I do not blame him for leaving. I am happy he has found something he is passionate about and is willing to pursue his dream. I have said this before, here. But here I sit, writing this post because he is there, in Israel, and because of that, I am now writing as a newly single lady. I love him and I will always love him, and maybe when everything is said and done, we will find our way back to each other. But right now we each need to figure out where we are in life and what we are going to do with our lives.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The Perfect Man
A quote I came across and decided to post because it's just so beautiful.
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'"
-Anonymous
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Below is a shirt of another kind of perfect man. Sorry for the poor image quality, unfortunately, it's the only image I can find.
The shirt is supposed to read: The Perfect Man (He's tan, he's cute, and if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.) I own the shirt. :)
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'"
-Anonymous
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Below is a shirt of another kind of perfect man. Sorry for the poor image quality, unfortunately, it's the only image I can find.
The shirt is supposed to read: The Perfect Man (He's tan, he's cute, and if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.) I own the shirt. :)
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