A blogger friend of mine recently wrote a post about how women think, as in how they operate in a relationship. In it, she describes a typical scenario of a woman asking her man if she looks fat in a dress, and of course, the man giving the "wrong" answer. The scenario might have been exaggerated a bit, but the point definitely came across. As I read the blog, commented, and read the follow up comments, I was thinking about relationships and the mind games both sides play while in one.
Games are all about testing each other. I read an article* recently about the mind games women play. In it, the author (a man) states, "So why do women indulge in these silly mind games? Well, for one thing, they're women. And women think and react with their emotions -- at least more than men do, in general. But it's really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship." Yes, we are women (thanks for pointing that out); yes, women are mostly guided by their emotions and definitely more so than men are; and yes, we do play mind games to test men. However, it is not done out of a desire for control.**
For women, it is about testing the strength of the relationship. IF a woman does something like that, it is because she wants her man to know, without her having to tell him, certain things. It is done out of desire to know whether or not our man truly knows us, whether he understand us on a deeper level. For women, it shows that he pays attention, that he cares, and like I said, that he understands his woman as an individual. And we want them to know this without having to tell them, because, well, if he truly knows, then we would not have to tell him, right?
WRONG. As a woman who was recently in a two year relationship, I tried not do that to my ex very much (at least I hope not, though he can attest to that, but I did try not to), there were certain times I did hint at things and see if he caught on. But I quickly learned that men are not mind readers, and, as much as we would like them to be, they only know as much as we tell them. And no, most men cannot read between the lines when women speak. If you want him to know something, you have to tell him. Sometimes repeatedly. (Men, take note: Having us repeat something to you more than two or three times will piss us off.)
Relationships are complicated enough. Do not make them more complicated by expecting men to just know things and read between the lines. Communication is key to a successful, healthy, and happy relationship, especially honest and effective communication, and like I said, expecting people to be mind readers is not going to help. If there was one thing I learned in my relationship, it was that.
*For those that read the article, please note that the author is not quite correct in all his statements. Some are overly exaggerated, and others are just wrong, though some are correct. (He really should have consulted some women on this before writing.)
**Please also note that I do not speak for all women. These are my feelings and thoughts, and though I do think that some, if not most, women would agree, I do not assume that all women are like this and feel this way.
6 comments:
i'm gonna comment here because i feel rejected on my own blog. i agree with you 100% about communication. and not playing games with your spouse or boyfriend. games are sick. BUT women test their men cuz some women are insecure, and need to find out in a roundabout way if their man still cares about them. maybe its not completely right, but not every relationship or person is perfect.
Altie, I agree, its all about communication. In a relationship where there is a lot of communication going on, then you won't need to say much, because he will have picked up on other verbal and non verbal cues. BUT this is only going to be after years of being with you and living with you, like you would find in a marriage. Still, communication, of the verbal kind is key.
Altie- I think some women test their men out of insecurity, yes, but there are plenty of women who do it just to test their men for the reasons I mentioned. Really, if a woman is secure in herself and in her relationship, then there is no need to do it at all, for any reason.
Dan- True, but even after years of living together and knowing someone like the back of your hand, it is still important to tell the other person how you feel, even if he/she picks up on it. Sometimes, not saying anything is just as bad.
Jill I agree, my parents still often end phone conversations with I love you. Sure they have been married for 38 years and please g-d should have at least another 38 years ahead of them, but I can guarentee its not to hear for both of them
I agree with you, Jill. Most women play these games (subconsciously maybe) to test their relationship. It's not right, it's kinda like a habit.
But some boys like this games. If we ask them about something they might feel more imporpant xp
I like this blog :)
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