Do you ever look back on something you did or said and think, "What the hell was I thinking?!" I did that a few times today. Every time I thought about this* post I thought that. Mostly, I thought about what my ex would think if and when he read it. That is when I would think "What the hell was I thinking?!" I worried that once he read it that things would change between us, that it would freak him out and make him rethink the friendship, which is not what I want. I still want to be friends with him.
But I worried, wondered why I thought it was a good idea to post it, and thought about taking it down. Then I realized that no matter what happens with him and our friendship, I wrote that for me. I wrote it because I needed to get it out, organize my thoughts and feelings, and sort through all of it. I would have still accomplished that even if I took it down, but doing so would not be keeping true to myself. I am not sure if I can explain it, but no matter what happens, that post needs to stay up. I need to have it up there for me. So up there it remains.
*For those that read the post before, yes, I did edit it and take some things out. I feel they no longer need to be there. They were there in the first place for myself, but I no longer need it all posted.
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