Another birthday has come and gone, and aside from presents and memories, the only thing I am left with is the fact that I am now a year older. A friend I talked to that night asked me if I reflected on my life on Shabbos (my birthday). I told him no, I hadn't. I said I do that every other day of the year, today is my day to just have fun and be happy, and not have to think too deeply about things. Well, I did that. I had a great birthday, and I didn't think too much or too hard about any one thing. That I saved for Sunday night.
One year has gone by, and what have I done with my life? I'm in college, yes, I have a job, yes, and I have great family and friends. But what have I done? I didn't lend a hand to any humanitarian effort (though I am doing what I can from where I am, it's not like I am marching, hosting rallies, etc), I didn't save anyone, nothing. What do I have to show for 21 years of my life? What impact have I left (so far)? Yes, an impact on those I know and love who know and love me in return, and while that's a great and probably the most lasting impact ever, it's not one of th things I'd hoped for.
As I write this, I can't but help thinking of my ancestors. They left an impact on those they loved and knew, but 100 years later, they are but a blip in people's memories, if that. They are really no longer recognized in photographs, or if they are, names allude the viewer. I know this may sound very selfish, but I don't want that to be me someday. I don't want to be a woman in a photograph in which no one can remember her name. I don't want to be a faceless name on a gravestone somewhere. I want to be remembered, for who I am/was, and what I do/did. I'm not asking to be famous, G-d no. But I don't want to ever be a nobody either.
At the same time though, I know I can't accomplish all I want to, personal and otherwise, without doing what I am doing now-getting an education, gaining the tools I will need in order to help those I want to help and make that difference in the world, or in someone's life, that I know I can make.
4 comments:
That's a birthday wish so grandiose it makes your previous too-big-to-ask-for presents seem like child's play. What is the difference how people remember you, either way you're 6 feet under? And people's memory capacity is only so large. History has given us and will give us so many people to remember, even those who are remembered get only an insignificant place in memory and are rarely thought of. Not to mention how the lives of these honored few are so often distorted by the storytellers to the point of unrecognizability.
well its a very morbid entry but also kind of inspireing think how much better the world would be if everyone tried to be the best they could. may you live till 120 or longer and have a very fullfilling life that will be rememberd by the people that matter most to you. now say amen
Happy belated birthday, Aviva!
Bah youre a little baby still.
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