The Princess and the Pee Test

WARNING: This post will discuss women's issues, so if any of you readers do not want to read, do not look any further. However, if you do, don't say you weren't warned.

This last week had many firsts for me: my first flat tire, the first time my car started smoking, the first time I made meatballs (301, yeah baby!), and the first time I ever took a pregnancy test. Yep, you read it correctly. Pregnancy test. Let me just tell all of you now what I am sure you are dying to know: No, I am not pregnant. Now, care to hear how this came about? Well, good, because I'm ready to tell. And no worries; I won't get too personal. Even I have my limits.

Last week I started to have some issues, ahem, women's issues. They went away for the weekend, then came back. While I was considering calling my doctor the week before, I was saved from that when the problem went away over the long weekend. However, just my luck, it's back again on Tuesday. It was too late to call my doctor on Tuesday when I discovered this, so I called Wednesday morning. I ended up speaking to the nurse. Why? My doctor is on maternity leave until the beginning of November. Ironic, huh? Anyway, after asking me a bunch of questions the nurse then asks, "Can you take a pregnancy test now?"

Uhhhhhh....Huh.......WHAT? After a brief pause of a few seconds I say that I could, thinking how I am going to handle this. You see, it was 9:15AM then. I had to be at my aunt's house at 10AM to help her cook for the upcoming Jewish holiday, and now I had to go out to Target to get the pregnancy test, come home, take it, wait for the results, call the doctor back, and then go to my aunt's. I had 45 minutes. I ran to Target, got two double boxes (so I had four tests), paid (not by the pharmacy though because they know me there; another disaster I did not need then), ran home, took two tests, and waited. And waited. And waited. After five minutes, there was nothing on the tests. No results. The tests remained blank. Ugh, great. Just great. What did I do wrong?

By that time it was 9:50AM. I still had to finish getting ready to leave. So I do, and at about 10AM fly out of m house and go to my aunt's. I park a few houses away from my aunt's (just in case she sees me), and call the nurse. I told her what happened, and after a few more questions, she tells me to take the other two tests the next morning. So I am sitting there thinking, "Tomorrow morning? You want me to wait even longer?" But I say okay as she is the nurse and knows better than I do. I pull my car up to my aunt's house, and get out. I then proceed with my day, which basically consisted of cutting seven onions, crying like a baby because of them, rolling 301 meatballs, doing a few errands, and meeting a drummer later that night.

I was kept busy most of the day, thankfully. But occasionally throughout the day my thoughts would drift back to the pregnancy test and whether it was possible I could be pregnant. Of course, that is when I got into trouble. Thinking. It can be a very dangerous thing. And that day, for me, it was. I started thinking, "Well, maybe. I mean, there is always the possibility. But no. I'm careful. Extremely careful. So no way. But..." And my thoughts would go on like that for the day. Yeah, not fun.

The next morning I woke up at 8:30Am and the first thing I did was take the last two pregnancy tests. Nice way to greet the day. I must have done something right that time because both turned up negative within a minute of taking them. Relieved (even though I was 99% sure I was not pregnant), but still somewhat concerned because I still had the initial problem, I went back to sleep for a few hours. When I awoke again I called the nurse and told her. And that was that. If my problem persists, I have to call back on Monday.

When the nurse first suggested a pregnancy test, I immediately thought (after brief shock) that there is no way I could be pregnant. Absolutely NO WAY. Yes, I will admit it. I am not a virgin. But I am extremely careful. So there was no way that I could be. Nuh-uh. Not me. Plus, it did not make sense, physically. It just didn't. But I was not very scared. Sure, there was some fear, but for the most part, I was really fine with it. I was calm. I wish I knew what made me so calm, but I do not. All I know is that if it had turned out that I was pregnant, I was actually happy about it. But maybe that's something I can explore in a later post. (Or maybe I should just put that aside in general and not explore it at all....)

Anyway, that was my experience in taking my first pregnancy tests. Not exactly how I pictured it, but hey, life does not always turn out the way you like. I can say though, that the next time I take a test, I will be married (and hopefully this part will have planned).


Before I go, I would like to my best friend, Abby, for suggesting the title. Thanks, girl! :D

(For those of you who are ready to comment on how I should wait to have sex, be celibate, etc., please do not. I did not post this to be lectured; I hate that. So, again, I ask you to not post a lecture about abstinence, celibacy, or even my being a slut (if that's what you think, which I am NOT, thankyouverymuch)).