When people are young, they tend to map out their life. Where they will go to college, what their major will be, what profession they will go into, what age they marry and have children, and what job they will ultimately end up getting. But life and G-d have a funny way of stepping in and saying, "That's what you think." So, what do you do when your plans go "boom!" in your face?
I had my life mapped out. Yes, I was one of those girls who would dream about all that stuff I wrote above. I knew what age I wanted to be when I got married, what age when I had my first child, graduated law school, and so on. Over the past three years though, my life plans had changed. I would not be going to straight to law school from college. I was not going to be getting married at twenty-four and having my first child at twenty-seven. And I was fine with that. Really. It was an adjustment, realizing that what I'd dreamed about would not go exactly as I planned, but that's life, right? So I worked around it.
I took a year off from school to work, practice for and take the LSATs, apply to law schools, and date. (Ok, the dating kind of just fell into my lap. It was not planned, nor did I take a year off to do that.) It's been great. I love my job, though not everyone I work with. But as much as I love my job, it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, and frankly, it's not something I would happy doing for the rest of my life.
I applied to four law schools, and have heard back from two. I'm waiting to hear back from two others, but honestly, things are not looking good. One of the schools I heard back from is one of the easier schools to get into. They tend to take the students that are good, but not great. Well, apparently, I'm not good, or even good enough. I didn't get in, and if I did not get in there, to that school, then I am probably not going to get in anywhere else. So now I'm faced with the question of "Now what?"
Where do I go from here? What do I do? Do I continue to apply in the hopes that someone will accept me, or do I give up, and find some other profession? My problem with the latter is, I do not think I can really be happy with doing anything else. I saw somewhere recently, I don't recall where, that being a lawyer is not a profession, it is a calling. And that is so true, at least for me. I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was twelve years old. I am now twenty-three. That's a long time to know what you want to do and not have it change.
But now my dreams seem to be crashing before my eyes, and am I left to wonder and try to decide where to go from here. To top it all off, the guy I have been dating for the past (almost) year and a half is moving to Israel in two months. So there goes that as well. What do you do when your plans fail and your calling seems to no longer be calling you?
1 comment:
I know that you have been pretty down about the whole law school thing. I'm sorry. I know it must not be easy and I have to say that I know how you feel.
For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a professional musician. I have always been passionate about music. I've been playing guitar for ten years and I've been writing my own songs since I was eight years old. Most teenagers want designer clothing and purses. I would much rather have a Gibson SG with '59 pickups. This sounds nice, but it's been hard because music is something that is very difficult to break into. I have no support from my family and some of my friends, which makes it even harder.
Growing up I liked to plan everything. What age I wanted to be when signing my first record deal, at what age I would release my debut album, when I would get married and start a family, and so on. I said I would sign with a record company at age twelve. When that didn't happen, I figured I would be more realistic and say that by age 19 I hoped to be recording my debut album. No matter what something always seemed to be getting in the way. It could have been lack of confidence in myself, lack of encouragement from others, or just that it wasn't meant to happen when I was younger. Who knows, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Now I'm stuck. I did all the things I was told to do by my family. I went to the high school they wanted me to, the Seminary they liked, although I didn't want to go at all, even the college they suggested. I thought I was doing all of the right things. Each step just took me further and further from what I wanted though. Now I have a bachelors, but no job and I am having a lot of trouble finding one. It can be very frustrating and people can be mean and judgmental.
I know this is probably not helping you at all. But please just know that I am always here for you and that you are not alone. It may not seem easy to believe this right now, but I know you will make it as a lawyer. I know you have wanted to be a lawyer for so long and it will happen. Love you!
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