Another One Bites the Dust

I just found out that someone else from my graduating class is engaged. That would make her the fifth person in a month to do so, and I do not even know what number out of my whole graduating class to get engaged/married in general. Honestly, I don't want to know. It would just make me feel more behind, more envious.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for her, for all of them. But I can't help but wish that it was me getting all those "mazel tov"s posted on my Facebook wall, getting an OnlySimchas page, getting the happily ever after. Nor can I help but think that these people have had everything handed to them on a silver platter since they were born. They had great parents, married parents who had great jobs, cars when they turned sixteen, got into the colleges, graduate schools, and jobs that they dreamed of, got the boyfriend right away or always had one, and now have the ring.

I am not saying that these people never had to fight for something, but I don't think they know the true meaning of fighting for something you want, something you believe in, and really struggling to get it. Everything I have in my life that means something to me I had to fight for. I fought my father, both inside and out of court, I fought to graduate high school, to go to college and succeed, and now I am fighting to get into law school and follow my dream, and fighting for the love of my life, to make it work with him so far away.

And while I am fighting for all these things, five classmates get engaged within a months' time of each other. Like I said before, I will be honest: I am envious. I will not deny it or lie to myself or anyone else about it. They have what I always wanted, what I still want. Granted, I am not quite ready for it, but I am more ready than I ever was before, and I want it, so badly. I know that I will get it, someday, but it still does something to me to see so many others get it before I do.