A Rant About My Brother

This week I spent about four hours shopping for my brother. On two different days. I know that may not seem like a lot of time, and I guess it's not, but I am not ranting about the time I spent doing so; I am ranting about the fact that I do his shopping for him every other week, which is funded by, yup, you guessed right, my mother.

My brother does not live at home, and has not for three years. He dormed at school for two years, and is now living with two friends off campus, but near school. He has a job, which, while may not be great pay, is still a job and still gives him money. Now, I know it may not be enough for rent, food, utilities, and other essentials, in which case I can understand my mom helping him out. However, it is not like that. My mom gives him a nice sum at the beginning of each month, enough to help with the odds and ends. Yet, in the middle of each month, my mom is giving him more money. Why? Because my brother believes that one thing or another should be split with my mom, and, my mom being my mom and babying my brother agrees and gives him the money.

But wait, there's more! Not only does she give him money at the beginning and middle of the month (and sometimes more), she pays for the shopping that I do for him every other week. And since I do the shopping, I know what she pays for that as well. Basically, I know what she outputs for him in a month, give or take.

What bothers me about this is not that she helps him out financially (well, it does, but I'll to that later), but the fact that he was the one who chose to move out, live on his own, get a job (though he did not have a job the first two years), and be independent. Yet, I do his shopping for him, and my mother basically funds everything for him. He goes to work, goes to the gym, goes to school, and goes drinking. Am I the only one who sees something very wrong with this picture?

Now, I do not expect him to be completely independent. I know what it is like to go school and work at the same time, and while that may have been awhile ago for me, I did not forget. But, to me, if you choose to move out and live on your own, that means accepting a lot more responsibilities than what you had before. That includes doing your own shopping, funding some (if not most) of your own living, and not doing anything extravagant (like going out drinking every weekend, buying expensive foods, and buying clothes from Express, Ambercombie, etc.). It means living within your means and doing things for yourself. All of which he does not do.

I do not know what bothers me more: the fact that he does not do things for himself and live within his means, or the fact that my mom enables him by agreeing to do his shopping and financially supporting him more than she should. Now, I know I am only the daughter/sister, and some of you will say that I do not know all of what goes on, and that I should mind my own business.  However, as I said it bothers me. It really bothers me. But I also do know what goes on (I see and hear, and my mom tells me, granted, not everything, but enough), and it is my business. It was made my business when I was asked to do the shopping for him.

It bothers me not only because my brother takes advantage of my mom, and my mom lets him, but it bothers me because my mom has a hard enough time making her ends meet. She is not poor, but she is not rich. Far from it. There are months where she struggles financially, and then to have to help him on top what she already does can make it very hard. And my brother knows, he is very aware of what her financial state is, but does not seem to give it second thought. For instance, he needed a tutor for chemistry. When he got this tutor, he went to my mom and told her they should split it asked her if they could split it. She agreed. So, now she gives him money for that as well. And don't get me started on the cell phone.

As I write this, I see the figure in my head of what she gives him. I see her doing things he should be doing (like mailing books he sold online), I see myself spending four to six hours every other week doing his shopping or some other errand for him. I see it, and it frustrates me and pisses me off.

Part of the reason it pisses me off so much is because my brother sometimes makes fun of me for still living at home at my age. Truth is though, I may live at home, but I more independent than he is, and will probably ever be. I pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, pay for my own health insurance, and pay for whatever else I may need or want. In fact, I pay rent (when I have a job). The only thing my mother pays for is my shelter and the groceries we share. Yes, she has helped me out in the past when I needed it, and she just did as well for a Kaplan LSAT class, even though I refused at first (those classes are so damn expensive!), but I keep a running tab; I write down what I owe her, and I pay her back when I can. Not to mention, I pull my own weight around the apartment. But my brother, what does he do? He does not and will not pay her back, he does not live here so he cannot help around the house (and when he does come home he does not do anything, including washing his own dishes), and he does not do his own grocery shopping. (Which, by the way, my mom defends explains by saying that he does not have the time, but he has time to go to the gym six days a week? It does not add up.)

I know I should probably mind my own business, but it frustrates and upsets me, especially when I see my mom struggling to make ends meet, and then to have to help out my brother, financially and otherwise. I have tried talking to my mom about it, but she just shrugs it off or tells me not to worry about it. But I know that is not going to happen, so I guess I will have to deal until either my brother becomes truly independent or I move out (and I am betting the latter will come before the former). Anyway, that is my rant. Thanks for listening.